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23 March 2009 @ 10:55 am
Read This First

You fucking bastard Dear Neal Baer,

My fucking eyes are bleeding It has come to my attention that a goddess you should not even be allowed to be in the same room with Jeri Ryan will be prostituting herself by deigning to agree to be on your execrable show guest-starring on three episodes of SVU. You must stay up nights inventing new ways to piss me off be so happy to have talent such as hers to butcher gracing your hour a week of goat-fucking mediocrity show.

This casting choice blinds me with murderous rage thrills me no end because I am Jeri Ryan's bitch I have missed Ms. Ryan's presence on the small screen and now I have to watch-Goddammit! I look forward to any time she shares her talent with us.

The fact that it must be on your hellishly farcical excuse for a masturbatory fantasy show makes me want to stick a burning fork in my eyes is regrettable but I will attempt not to projectile vomit uncontrollably endure.

Do not even THINK about putting her on the show full-time make a habit of inconveniencing me in this way, however. Even though I am still Jeri Ryan's bitch agreeing to watch, I'm not even remotely able to express how much I loathe you right now reserving my judgment of these episodes.

I'd like to give you a Clorox enema Have a nice day,

Still Jeri Ryan's bitch DiNovia

Tiffanypiekid on March 23rd, 2009 04:10 pm (UTC)
OMG I can't watch, it'd be too painful. Dammit!
seftiri: Limer Rageseftiri on March 24th, 2009 02:07 am (UTC)
There's another rumor floating around that she's coming on the show for good.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?? People are going to start slashing her with St. Oliska!

My teeth ache...
Lishesquelishesque on March 23rd, 2009 04:29 pm (UTC)
Your struckout text amuses me. :D
seftiri: LMAOseftiri on March 24th, 2009 02:07 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
tulliolus: flatirontulliolus on March 23rd, 2009 10:50 pm (UTC)
I second the previous comment, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Being as how I read this off my flist, I suppose I already have, more or less.
seftiri: Limer Goddessseftiri on March 24th, 2009 02:10 am (UTC)
That's as close to one as you might get, yes.

I am so...dreading the femslash pairing that is going to come of this.

Thank God for Otalia, my other obsession. I might actually survive. ;)

How are things? Did you see my TV wife Diane's funny indie short movie I posted about??
tulliolus: feettulliolus on March 25th, 2009 05:26 pm (UTC)
You mean the one I said was like falling "into a parallel universe made of awesome?" ;)

Things are pretty good. I have about five weeks before my thesis is due in, but it's the Easter vacation, so I have nothing else to do but write write write.

How are you crazy kids?
(Deleted comment)
seftiri: Strengthseftiri on March 24th, 2009 02:12 am (UTC)
Jeri Ryan could read Neal Baer's entire colonoscopy history on film and I'd probably watch it. So yeah.

But seriously? Seriously, they're going to do this to me?


(Deleted comment)
seftiri: seven of nineseftiri on March 24th, 2009 02:37 am (UTC)
Don't we all? LOL
(Deleted comment)
seftiriseftiri on March 24th, 2009 02:14 am (UTC)
Thank you! I truly wrote this at work while my boss was on the phone taking a patient history. LOL I kept waiting for her to turn around and read over my shoulder. But I couldn't let it go.

I love the icon you used. It looks like JJ is looking at me, thinking, "Is she okay? Should I call those people from psych?"
(Deleted comment)
seftiri: CM Goddess of Nerdsseftiri on March 26th, 2009 02:06 am (UTC)
Me?? How? I've only ever written two CM stories and both were JJ/Garcia and read by about 12 people total! LOL

JJ, from above: No, really... Should I call psych? Just give me the word. I can have 'em here in five minutes.
(Deleted comment)
seftiri: Garcia Beautyseftiri on March 27th, 2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
That's so cool! Well, glad to have you on the CM train. What can I do to convince you to turn your lovely talent to Otalia? ::bats eyelashes::

The top of the utensil pyramidsporkmetender on March 24th, 2009 01:48 am (UTC)
You know, I'm almost happy about it, just because it prompted this hilarious post.



seftiri: Smileseftiri on March 24th, 2009 02:18 am (UTC)
So. Very. Lame. It's lameness outshines the entire season of Casey's Golden Promise Blonde hair.


The rumors about her joining the cast permanently have to be false, right? I mean she wouldn't leave her husband, her children, her restaurant in LA to be on...on...SVU... Right?

fewthistlefewthistle on March 25th, 2009 10:20 pm (UTC)
Dearest one. Calm. Breathe. Can I get you to write imaginary letters for Miranda? I just know that she would love your style *vbg*.

What's your weekend look like? I need shoes (yes, I really do...stop rolling your eyes and focus) and was thinking of hitting the outlet....or maybe even mid-week? Call me...come on. Who would pass up the opportunity to be my sherpa? ;)

Edited at 2009-03-25 10:20 pm (UTC)
seftiri: Paget Queenseftiri on March 26th, 2009 02:09 am (UTC)
I would be happy to write letters for Miranda. Any time.

This weekend I'm in clinical all weekend. And next weekend, on Saturday, I have to be the Easter Bunny. Let me check my schedule for the week when I get to work tomorrow. Maybe we can do it on a day when I'm not someone else's bitch for a while. ;)

And I would love to be your shopping sherpa. You've got me trained well. I'm good at it. I might as well play to my strengths. ;)
DJ Shivadjshiva on April 5th, 2009 12:38 am (UTC)
OMG this entry made me almost pee myself laughing.

seftiri: LMAOseftiri on April 5th, 2009 12:45 am (UTC)
Yes. See, that was the point. LOL ;)
DJ Shivadjshiva on April 5th, 2009 12:50 am (UTC)
I am helpless against your emotional manipulation. ;)

seftiri: Don't Evenseftiri on April 5th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
LOL You should check out my 'SVU review' tag sometime. I used to write those things to the Hair Gal on SVU all the time. Right after she dyed Casey Novak's hair BLONDE. The idiot bitch.

DJ Shivadjshiva on April 5th, 2009 12:54 am (UTC)
LOL. I like Casey with red hair. No reason to mess with a good thing.
seftiri: Casey Kicks Assseftiri on April 5th, 2009 12:55 am (UTC)
So. Very. True.
magicmumumagicmumu on April 9th, 2009 06:20 am (UTC)
As a new limer (and somewhat obsessed with a couple of your stories), I am hoping that this rumor is just that, a rumor. I really do want Diane Neil back, so that I could have the joy of seeing new episodes with Casey in it. If nothing else, still have her on the show at all. I am not a huge fan of Jeri Ryan, unless it is Seven of Nine getting subtexty with B'Lanna. But I digress. I hope to see more of Diane Neil, even if she was doig movies and not SVU, I guess, but still, Novak rocks my socks.