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03 April 2009 @ 08:03 am
Fic: Hide Beside Me (Chapter 11), GL, Olivia/Natalia  
Title: Hide Beside Me (Chapter 11)
Author: DiNovia
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating:  Chapter=PG-13/Overall=NC-17
Archival:  P&P, Kimly, and AUSXIP of course.  Everyone else, please ask.
Spoilers:  None
Summary:  Phillip Spaulding has returned to Springfield with a vengeance.  Olivia Spencer, afraid that Phillip will take their daughter Emma from her again, flees Springfield with the help of her assistant, Natalia Rivera.  Can they stay one step ahead of Phillip?  Will they ever be safe again?
Content Disclaimer:  This is an AU story--based on a drabble I posted in February--that splits off from the "I can trust you with my life!" scene on 2/16/09.  All canon after that does not exist in this story.  Also, the Phillip Spaulding that returns in this story is still bat-shit crazy and evil. Graphic depictions of love between two consenting adult women are contained within, obviously, but not for a while.  
Source Disclaimer:  I do not own Guiding Light or the characters therein depicted.  I do not seek to profit from this story. 
A/N:  I tried to remain as close to character as humanly possible but as I have only seen YouTube clips of Otalia and no full episodes, I cannot guarantee the results.
Style Note:  As some of you have noticed, I am switching POVs for every chapter.  Natalia, Olivia and Emma will tell their stories in their own words, first-person present tense.  Any other exposition needed will happen in third-person past-tense.  This will cover the urgency I need and will also allow for omniscience for exposition with multiple characters.  I am very interested in knowing whether this style works how I have intended it, so let me know.
Thank You:  To mightbefound and bldy_destini for beta-ing this story.  Thank you also to Tiff for helping me to figure out the major plot problems I'd been having and for being on call when I forget them and need to review.  ;)  Thank you to djshiva for your comments and general enthusiasm for this story.   


I stand in the doorway of the bedroom, my heart pounding. 

"Olivia?" I ask quietly.  I don't know if I'm hoping you will answer or if I'm hoping you won't.  But I strain to hear you, just in case. 

You say nothing.  You must be asleep.  Good.  No, good.  You need your rest.

Besides, I don't have any idea what I was going to say to you.  Why I was hoping you'd still be awake.

I'm a little afraid, maybe.  That you think something's...wrong with me now.  That I'm not the woman you thought I was....  You got up so quickly, said 'good night' and disappeared.  I was hoping we could watch some TV together...like we used to at home. 

I sigh and quietly get into my bed, twisting under the blankets until I finally find a position that's bearable.  For some reason, I can't quite get comfortable...can't quite relax.  My skin feels...charged but my head aches.  It's probably from...the crying. 

I'm tired of crying.  But I feel a little better...finally telling someone...telling you...about my father.  I know it's the last thing you needed to hear.  You have enough going on with...Emma and Phillip.  It was probably very selfish of me to--  It was.  It was selfish.  I'm sorry.  I'll make it up to you.

I have so much to make up to you....  Look at everything you've done for me!  Hiring me at The Beacon when I needed a second job to help with Rafe's legal bills, making me your assistant, getting my money back from Decker--you lost your job over that!--agreeing to move in with me when I was short the money for the mortgage, letting me share Emma with you.... 

You never ask for anything in return.  Sometimes you won't even let me help you when you really need it and that...has to stop.  I know you don't think of it that way...like we have a credit and debit system, a balance book for our friendship.  And I don't either.  It's just that a lot of what you do for me is...unexpected.  Like your Christmas present to me!  How did you even think of that?  That meant so much to me.  More than I think I ever told you.

I wish this weren't happening.  I wish we were at home, all three of us, watching movies on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn to share and Emma's favorite orange soda fizzing in our special cups, all lined up on the coffee table.  On coasters, of course.

I know it's a sin to hate, but I hate Phillip right now.  I hate that he didn't die and I hate that he came back.  I hate that he ever took Emma in the first place and I hate the possibility that he wants to take her again.  I hate not knowing what he's up to, what he wants, and I hate that he gets to stay in Springfield and we don't.  You would probably think all of that is silly--to worry about hating Phillip at all, let alone after what I told you tonight.  But my father has been dead for a long time.  The only pain he can give me anymore is in my memories.  Phillip, on the other hand, he can hurt you so much.  I can't let him do that.

I don't know how this ends, you know.  I'm not the superhero you think I am.  I know how to run but I don't know how to fight.  That's your superpower.  But how do we fight Phillip?  

I...guess we have to hope that Jeffrey will do his job and put Phillip in jail.  I'm not certain that I trust the legal system to do that.  Not after Rafe.   

Ugh.  This is...too much.  Too much thinking, too much...everything.  I don't want to think anymore, I don't.  I'm so tired. 

I know--I'll just put myself where I want to be.  On the couch in the living room, with you and Emma, like at New Year's.  Do you remember that?  I remember...noisemakers...dancing with Em....  I remember your hand...on my back....  Yes....  A big pink bowl of...popcorn....  And...orange soda....

It works better than I could have hoped.  I fall asleep almost instantly instead of tossing and turning like I have for the last...I don't even know how long it's been since you left the farmhouse.
And I don't think I dream, because when the rattle of a room service cart wakes me hours later, I feel...renewed.  The room is still quiet--it must be early yet--and I don't open my eyes.  I don't want to.  The last thought I had before falling asleep is my first now that I'm waking up and I want to hold onto it...for as long as I can.  Emma safe.  Us at home.  Warm.  Together.  Snuggled up in your--

My eyes fly open.  Snuggled up...in your...arms?  In--in-- 

Okay.  I take a breath.  Let's just take a minute here.  What do I know?

I know I'm on my stomach and there's a weight pressing me into the bed.  It's not uncomfortable though.  In fact, it's...kinda nice....  My eyes drift closed and my breathing deepens.  I slide back into the easy silence, the luxurious darkness of sleep....  No!  I force my eyes open.  I have to wake up.  I have to figure this out. 

I turn slowly, so slowly, and look over my shoulder.  Cold morning light has crept into the room around the curtains I closed last night and it touches you with a faintly golden hue.  Your hair is tumbled over my shoulder and I can just make out your forehead, your nose, and your fist, curled up under your chin. 


There you are. 


In my bed.   

Sorta wrapped around me.

I swallow.  The only thing I don't know is why?

I mean--I--  I'm not...complaining.  Exactly.  And why is that?  I mean--I should be--  You've never done anything like this before and--  Should I be upset...worried?  I don't know what I should feel.  I just know I don't feel...alarmed.

In fact, I feel...safe.  Protected.  That's a--a nice thing.  Something I haven't felt for a while.  Something I didn't even realize I missed.  Really, really missed.

But what are you doing over here?  I know you were in your own bed last night.  At least, you were when I came to bed. 

Did you--get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and get in the wrong bed when you came out?  It was dark and I suppose if you were tired enough, you might have--

No.  I mean--maybe.  If you'd been drinking.  But you only had one glass of wine with dinner and I know that wasn't enough to--

So if you weren't...confused then that means you got in with me...deliberately.  In the same white shirt you wore to dinner and...not much else.

You got into bed with me...on purpose.  What would make you do that? 

I mean, I suppose...if you had a--  Oh!  What if you had a nightmare about Phillip or Emma and...and....  No, that doesn't make any sense either.  You'd probably be snuggled up like this with Emma then, and that would be so...sad and beautiful at the same time.  The lioness with her cub.  Protecting her, even in your sleep.

I don't think I've ever told you how wonderful a mother you are.  You think you're...lacking in the 'Mom' department somehow, because you're not like Reva or Harley, but I know you.  You'd move Heaven and Earth for your daughters.  You are completely devoted to them.  Mothering isn't about meatloaf and aprons and being there when your kids get off the bus.  It isn't about having all the answers or being on the PTA or about being some kind of saint.  It's about what you do with the time that you have with them.  It's about loving them enough to let them make their own way in the world.  It's about doing everything in your power to show them that love.  You've done all of that and more...for Ava...for Emma.  I should tell you that.  Maybe.


There's still the....  Well, I mean, you're still.... 

You're still asleep.  On my shoulder.  With one leg--one bare leg--thrown over my hip and--and--and maybe I don't need to know why.  Could it be enough to just...accept it?

God, I don't ask for much in this life.  I know that the struggles I bear on Earth will be washed away in Heaven.  But...could I just have...this...for a little while longer?  I haven't felt this...cared for in a long time and I...I don't want it to end right now.  Just five more minutes, God.  That's all I want.  Five more minutes.

I hold my breath but you don't show any signs of waking.  When I'm positive you aren't going to leave me, I close my eyes again and sink into this feeling of...sanctuary, this place of peace. 

I don't know if I get the full five minutes I asked for but not long after I close my eyes, you take one sharp breath and rub your cheek against my shoulder.  You tighten your hold on  me for a moment and I freeze, hoping that you'll go back to sleep...for just a few more minutes.  Please....

You yawn and arch your back instead and then your body goes rigid with fear.  I can feel your heartbeat against my back, quick and light.  Then you're gone without a word, slipping out from underneath our...the blankets, closing the bathroom door behind you with a soft 'click.'  Two seconds later, I hear the shower start.

And I'm alone again...in a bed that suddenly feels too big.

Without you.


Comments are love!

Moutardmoutard on April 3rd, 2009 11:07 pm (UTC)
that was absolutely adorable.
a bit risky there of Liv, but cute all the same.
great/addictive writing, keep it up!
seftiri: Natalia Rivera Dimplesseftiri on April 4th, 2009 03:25 am (UTC)
Oh trust me. Ollie did not plan to fall asleep there. She was just going to stay until she could breathe again. Poor thing. ;)

Glad you're liking it!
dirtysoapboxdirtysoapbox on April 4th, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
one thing
keeping me going these days. otalia. and you. i know. that's two. pleh. math, schmath.

you are the BEST at this. ridiculously so. feeling lucky, so lucky, to have the pleasure.


please sit back down and WRITE THE NEXT ONE!

seftiri: Natalia Rivera Dimplesseftiri on April 4th, 2009 03:23 am (UTC)
Re: one thing
You are too sweet! Thank you for the lovely feedback! Believe me when I say it is entirely my pleasure to write this. It is helping me deal with the ridiculousness of Frank. Ugh. :)

I promise I am writing. Well, I'm about to start chapter 12 tonight. I hope to have it out to the betas by tomorrow night.
change the sheets & then change me: almost! -- Otaliauselessmarks on April 5th, 2009 02:26 am (UTC)
So, I found this LJ... somehow [lol]. I cannot remember for the life of me, but read all eleven chapters today! And what a great fic, am enjoying all the unspoken but completely shown love that is Otalia.

Look forward to your next chapter! :)
seftiri: Natalia Rivera Dimplesseftiri on April 5th, 2009 04:30 am (UTC)
Thank you! More should be out at the beginning of the week. I understand we're going to have another rough week on the show, so maybe I can get a chapter done to help out. ;)
change the sheets & then change meuselessmarks on April 5th, 2009 04:38 am (UTC)
Gah, what spoilers have you heard? [lol] They certainly amp up the angst in good ol' Otalialand.
seftiri: Otalia Look At Meseftiri on April 5th, 2009 04:42 am (UTC)
Olivia is supposed to offer to help with the wedding, Natalia is supposed to get the dress, and something very cryptic about Natalia being "trapped." Nothing more than what's on the Big Purple Dreams board, though. That's where I get 98% of my Otalia info.

I need them to figure out something soon. The angst on the show is killing me. At least I know what the pay off will be in Hide Beside Me, so I don't mind the angst there right now. But on the show.... Oi!
change the sheets & then change meuselessmarks on April 5th, 2009 04:54 am (UTC)
I've got to stop procrastinating and join the BPD board.
But wow, Olivia is really grooving on the self-torture (which I must admit I do like angst as long as there is a good payoff at the end!).... Hmmm. 'Trapped' eh? Sounds promising :D

Your fic is a nice break from show-angst. Really liked the last two chapters especially. It's aces. :)
seftiri: Otalia Two Mommiesseftiri on April 5th, 2009 04:57 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you think so. I'm writing chapter 12 right now. I want to get it to my betas in the morning. LOL

And yes, go join BPD! You'll be most welcome!
change the sheets & then change meuselessmarks on April 5th, 2009 05:07 am (UTC)
Yay! I look forward to chapter 12! :D
change the sheets & then change me: blunt... FAuselessmarks on April 5th, 2009 04:55 am (UTC)
And so sorry, I completely forgot to say thank you for the spoiler info.

So thank you! :)
seftiri: Otalia Near Kiss 2seftiri on April 5th, 2009 04:57 am (UTC)
Oh! No problem. :)
Revolos55revolos55 on April 7th, 2009 05:34 pm (UTC)
Love the bit about the superpowers.

Natalia's confusion was kinda neat to read. The bit about her feeling protected was nice.

Love the cuddling in bed in general.

Edited at 2009-04-07 05:36 pm (UTC)