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05 April 2009 @ 07:11 pm
Fic: Hide Beside Me (Chapter 12), GL, Olivia/Natalia  
Title: Hide Beside Me (Chapter 12)
Author: DiNovia
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating:  Chapter=PG-13/Overall=NC-17
Archival:  P&P, Kimly, and AUSXIP of course.  Everyone else, please ask.
Spoilers:  None
Summary:  Phillip Spaulding has returned to Springfield with a vengeance.  Olivia Spencer, afraid that Phillip will take their daughter Emma from her again, flees Springfield with the help of her assistant, Natalia Rivera.  Can they stay one step ahead of Phillip?  Will they ever be safe again?
Content Disclaimer:  This is an AU story--based on a drabble I posted in February--that splits off from the "I can trust you with my life!" scene on 2/16/09.  All canon after that does not exist in this story.  Also, the Phillip Spaulding that returns in this story is still bat-shit crazy and evil. Graphic depictions of love between two consenting adult women are contained within, obviously, but not for a while.  
Source Disclaimer:  I do not own Guiding Light or the characters therein depicted.  I do not seek to profit from this story. 
A/N:  I tried to remain as close to character as humanly possible but as I have only seen YouTube clips of Otalia and no full episodes, I cannot guarantee the results.
Style Note:  As some of you have noticed, I am switching POVs for every chapter.  Natalia, Olivia and Emma will tell their stories in their own words, first-person present tense.  Any other exposition needed will happen in third-person past-tense.  This will cover the urgency I need and will also allow for omniscience for exposition with multiple characters.  I am very interested in knowing whether this style works how I have intended it, so let me know.
Thank You:  To mightbefound and bldy_destini for beta-ing this story.  Thank you also to Tiff for helping me to figure out the major plot problems I'd been having and for being on call when I forget them and need to review.  ;)  Thank you to djshiva for your comments and general enthusiasm for this story.   



I savagely twist the lever in the shower so the sound of rushing water will drown out the sounds of me dying.  Right here.  Sitting on the toilet in a Holiday Inn bathroom with my head between my knees.  Trying not to hyperventilate and have a heart attack at the same time.  The only way this could be more pathetic is if this was a Super 8 Motel.  It'd bring a whole new meaning to "We'll keep the light on for ya!"  

God, that's not funny.  If I died in one of those, you'd have to bury me as Melissa Anderson.  There is no way in hell Olivia Spencer's obituary is going to say "Died tragically in the bathroom of a Super 8 Motel."  I'll sound like a fucking crack-whore....

I wasn't supposed to fall asleep with you!  I was just going to...to hold you until I could...let go.  That's all.  I wasn't--  I swear I wasn't planning to stay all night!  You gotta believe me.

You didn't know I was there, right?  I mean, you didn't look awake.  Your eyes were closed, your hands were folded under your cheek.  You looked like you might even be dreaming--a good one this time.  So you were still sleeping.  Good.  That's good.

It's also a fucking miracle because I don't think I've ever gotten up before you.  Not once in all the time we've been living together.  I didn't actually think it was physically possible.  Particularly without an alarm clock.

I look upward in the general direction of where I believe Heaven to be--remember, I'm not religious--and give it a thumbs up.  So, thanks for that!  Great work!

My heart.  Oh God, my heart.  I put my head back between my knees.  I've got to slow it down before that damned alarm Rick gave me goes off.  The fucking thing is in my purse--which is in the bedroom, of course--and I don't want you to think that I'm being paged...or that there's a bomb in my outdated Prada bag. 

I roll my eyes.  That's exactly what we need right now: a bomb scare.  Absolutely.  Because I want to stand in the freezing parking lot in nothing but a white shirt and panties trying to explain a pacemaker alarm to a South Dakota fireman.  Yes, please.

Think, Olivia!  Think of anything other than being wrapped around that sweet, sexy-- 

Not helping.  So.  Not.  HELPING. 

I jump up from my seat and begin to pace a very short line on the cold tile floor as the bathroom fills with steam.  I can only manage three steps in any one direction before I'm forced to turn and I imagine this looks less like pacing and more like bouncing off the walls.  I need to think of something else.  Desperately.  Because waking up with you in my arms was....

It was home.

There's no other way to describe it.  My body...fits...with yours.  And your body....  Yours is a gift from God. 

The curve of your hip, your sweet dimpled smile, your beautiful hands, so strong, so gentle--and the way you smell!  You don't know what that alone does to me, how it makes me ache for you in ways that haven't been at all platonic for at least a month....

Heat from the steam in the bathroom meets the heat I'm generating just by thinking about you and my body flushes pink with desire.  I need a cold shower.  Right now. 

I twist the shower lever in the opposite direction and wait for the water to cool down a bit before stripping off what's left of my clothes from last night and stepping under the lukewarm spray.  The water's cold enough to make me gasp but not cold enough that I can't stand it and I let it pour over me, hoping it will freeze these wayward thoughts of you out of my mind, my body. 

This is a fine mess you've gotten yourself into, I tell myself morosely.  On the run from a crazy ex-husband with your daughter and the woman you are hopelessly in love with, but who doesn't know and probably--no definitely--doesn't feel the same way.  You weren't kidding when you said it could be a Lifetime movie of the week.

Maybe when this is all over, I'll write a screenplay and send it to them.  Hey, I could buy another hotel and franchise The Beacon with that money!  We should get something out of all of this!

I close my eyes and rest my forehead on the pristine white tile under the shower head.  It's not fair.  I didn't drink at all last night--well, one glass of wine, but that hardly counts with me--and yet I feel like I went on a whiskey bender with a detour to vodkaville.  Shouldn't a girl at least get the benefit of the drinking if she's going to wake up with a hangover?

How am I going to do this?  How am I going to get through this without ruining Emma's life, without driving you away?  There is so much at stake here and I'm not willing to lose any of it.  I need Emma to have a safe and happy childhood and I need you in my life, need your loyalty and your stubborn faith to guide me.  You're a...a beacon, that's what you are.  A shining beacon, leading me home through the treacherous waters of my life. 

Well, that's going to make going to work at The Beacon so much easier, I think ruefully. 

I turn my head and rest my cheek on the tile, my hands splayed to either side of me. 

Please....  Help me....

That sounds suspiciously like a prayer and I open one eye, looking skyward warily, waiting for the bolt of lightning or the smiting or whatever it is God likes to do to sinners with pasts like mine.  Nothing happens and I take a deep breath. 

Maybe I should...you know...try the prayer thing.  I mean, it works for you, right?  And how hard can it be?  It's just a few words.... 

The only thing is....  I mean, it's been so long I don't know if He'll--you know--take my call. 

Well, I guess I won't know until I try.

I take a deep breath and stand upright, looking Heavenward, a mixture of hope and hesitance churning inside me.

"Um...hello?  God?" I start, believing for some reason that I should actually say the words out loud.  That somehow it will be more...proper.  "Hi there.  It's me, Olivia Spencer...from Springfield.  Could I...talk to you for a minute?"

I wait--actually wait--for an answer before rolling my eyes at my own monumental stupidity. 

"Anyway," I continue, "I just need...a little help with something.  See, I've sorta...gotten myself in a great big mess.  With my ex-husband and my daughter and...Natalia.  I know you know her; she talks to you every day."  I smirk for a second before catching myself.

"Look, I don't know if it's okay to ask for two things but I really need them both so I'm going to go ahead and give it a shot.  Because what's the worst You can say?  No?  Well, no, I guess the worst You can say is 'Hope you like it hot 'cause it's hot where you're going!'"

I close my eyes and shake my head, scolding myself for making God out to be some goofy, inappropriate grandfather-type making bad jokes.  It could be worse, I suppose.  I could be a Republican.

"So, the first thing I need is for You to make sure Emma stays safe and that she grows up happy and keeps that sweet, innocent joy she's filled with for as long as possible.  She's my...my little Jellybean.  My smart, thoughtful, happy baby girl and I love her so much.  So if You could...take care of her until we get this thing with her father figured out, I'd be so grateful."

I'm not surprised to find that part of my prayer utterly sincere.  I would move mountains for my daughter--spoonful by spoonful if I had to.  Praying for her safety is no harder than that.  No easier, either, it turns out.

I pause and look down because the next one is....  There's a fine line between asking and begging and I'm not quite sure where that is at the moment.

"The second thing...is about Natalia," I say softly.  "If You've been paying attention to us down here at all, You probably realize how amazing she is.  It's just that I think you made her too amazing because I've sorta...."  Here we go.  Jumping in the deep end without making sure there's water in the pool.  Typical. 

"I've fallen in love with her.  And I know You're supposed to be against that sort of thing, but I personally don't believe You are.  There are thirty-one flavors of ice cream at Baskin Robbins, for Christ's sake!  Why would there only be one acceptable expression of love?  It doesn't make any sense!"

I wince, realizing what I've said.  You would have a field day with that: me using the Lord's name in vain while talking to the Lord.  It's like I'm going out for Olympic Blasphemy.  

"Sorry about the whole 'Christ's sake' thing there.  Did I mention it's been a while since I've done this?  No?  My bad."  I take another deep breath and look up again, feeling a little bolder now that I've confessed my love for you to the Big Guy.  "But back to Natalia.  Right, so even though I don't think You have a problem with it, I'm pretty sure she thinks You do, and I don't want to hurt her or scare her away or make her hate me.  I need her in my life even if we can never...." 

I swallow convulsively, tears stinging my eyes.  "Even if we can never be together.  So I need You to make me a little stronger, okay?  I need You to make it so looking at her doesn't simultaneously drive a spike through my heart while my stomach does a full twisting double back off the vault.  I mean, this is sorta Your fault, You know.  Since You're the one who made her a freakin' superhero, the least You can do is help me not fuck it up.  Right?"

Again, there is no immediate answer and my face falls.  I thought this was supposed to make me feel better.  So why do I feel like the pimply girl at the prom?  The one who got stood up by the AV nerd before AV nerds were cool, doubling the humiliation.

"So...that was it.  Thanks for listening.  Amen."

I turn and immediately begin to bang my forehead against the tile wall.  What was I expecting?  A big booming voice reassuring me that everything will be okay?


"Olivia?"  Your voice isn't booming, it's soft...hesitant.  And it still scares the shit out of me.

"Jesus Christ!" I curse, startled so severely that my voice squeaks.  My heart begins to thud in my chest and I muse that, at this rate, I'm not going to have to worry about tomorrow because I'm not going to live through today!

You don't chastise me for my blasphemy.  Instead, you apologize for startling me.  Was I hitting my head harder than I thought?

"I'm sorry.  I knocked but I guess you didn't...hear me."

I turn off the water in my now freezing shower.  I stand naked and shivering behind a thin sheet of beige plastic.  "No, but that's okay.  Did you...need something?"  I wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep my teeth from chattering.  How long have I been in here anyway?  Is it even possible to use up all the hot water in a hotel this size? 

"I just wanted to tell you breakfast is here.  I...I ordered room service--but it's not breakfast in bed.  We're eating at the table in the sitting room."  You sound...strange.  Pensive, maybe.  It's hard to tell without seeing your expression.  "Do you want us to wait or....?"

"No.  No, you and Emma start without me.  I'm going to dry off, get dressed.  I'll be out in five minutes."

You sigh and it almost sounds wistful.  Damn, I wish I had X-ray vision!  Then I could see your face through this hideous shower curtain!  Of course, ostensibly, I would also be able to see through your clothing, too.  So yeah.  Scratch that.  That's the last thing I need.

"Okay.  Take your time."

I don't.  I rush it and appear at the table shortly after you leave the bathroom, taking time only to pull on some clean clothing and to towel dry my hair.  The ends are still damp when I sit down.

It doesn't take me long to see that--while this breakfast isn't being served to me in bed--it contains everything on Emma's list from last night.  Except for the Valium, of course.  Though I wouldn't be at all surprised if you somehow managed that, too.

Emma is supremely pleased with herself as she shows me that--indeed--everything she listed is on the table.  "Except the Valium," she announces at the end of the 'tour.'  "Natalia said you don't need that anymore since you have her now."

I look at you and it's clear by the faint ruddiness in your cheeks that you weren't expecting Emma to repeat that particular comment.

I smile.  "She's right.  I'm much...breezier since Natalia and I became friends."  I wink at you and you shake your head.  But you're smiling.  As long as you're smiling, I can do this.  I can be sane. 

"So Valium makes you...breezy?" asks Emma and you laugh as I choke on my orange juice.  I shoot you a glare. 

"In a way," I tell my far-too-curious-for-her-own-good daughter.  "How are your pancakes?" I ask her, hoping to divert her from this particular topic.  Eight is too young to be well versed in the benefits of Valium.  Maybe when she's ten.

"They're good, but not as good as Natalia's.  They don't put orange zest in the batter like she does."

She says it so matter-of-fact that it takes me a second to realize that my daughter used the word 'zest' correctly in a sentence.  About cooking.  Something that I'm good at but which I manage to avoid as much as I can.  It was easy to avoid it at The Beacon; room service was our only kitchen.  You cook at the farmhouse, claiming that you love working in your kitchen.  It shows, of course.  Everything you've ever made there has been wonderful.  Even if you do like salty soup. 

"Oh, is that the secret?" I ask, spreading butter on my toast. 

"Yep!  And you gotta beat the eggs with a little cream, too.  Makes the batter fluffier."

The toast doesn't quite make it into my mouth.  I turn to you, intending to protest the fact that you're teaching my daughter to become a 1950s housewife, but you're gazing at her with such a look of pure maternal pride...and I feel my control begin to slip.

Mayday.  Mayday. 

I swallow heavily and abandon my toast for my coffee.  It's hot and black and just what I need to fortify myself.  I'll eat later.  When I repair all the recently damaged bricks in that wall I just finished rebuilding.

That lasts for all of seven minutes, though...which is when you realize I'm not eating.  You scold me about keeping my strength up and punctuate it with a serious look you direct at me over a second glass of orange juice.

The look says We can't afford for you to be sick, Olivia.  You know that.

Yes, I do know that.  I take the juice and the bacon and I even take a pancake from the stack in front of you.  When you hand me the little carafe of maple syrup, your fingers brush mine and the shock of the touch makes me look up.  Right into your shimmering, dancing brown eyes.  The look lasts as long as a flash bulb going off and you ask me if there's anything else you can get me.

Not unless you have a new heart lying around somewhere.  I think the one you gave me last year just exploded in my chest.

After breakfast, the two of us get Emma dressed and packed up first--life is just easier that way, we've found--and then we get ourselves ready to check out.  We're heading for the Grand Canyon now, hoping to blend in for a few days with the tourists there.  Then on to somewhere else.  The Alamo, maybe?  We haven't gotten that far in our plan yet.

I finish packing my bags and take them out to the living room area.  When I return to the bedroom to help you with whatever's left, I catch you staring at your rumpled bed with a speculative, almost curious look. 

"Something wrong?" I ask, not wanting to know the answer at all.

You were asleep, I say over and over.  You were asleep.  You WERE. 

You jump.  "Oh.  No," you say, smiling up at me.  The smile is genuine but your eyes are shuttered to me now.  "I was...um...just going over the itinerary in my head.  Must have spaced out there for a second.  Sorry."

You just lied to me.  Let me repeat that: you just lied to me.  Why?  What's going on?  I feel like I'm on stage, in a familiar play, but I suddenly don't know my lines anymore. 

"No problem," I say carefully.  "You ready, though?  We should get going."

You nod.  "Yeah, absolutely.  Let's get this show on the road!"  Your enthusiasm is overdone and I groan inwardly.  There's something going on...something awkward between us now.  I recognize this dance.  Hell, I practically invented it.

But I don't have a clue what started it.  I groan again.  We have a long drive today and I'm going to spend it--all of it--wondering what the hell just happened here. 

God? I ask plaintively.  You up for a road trip?

Unsurprisingly, He doesn't answer....


Comments are love!

change the sheets & then change me: a couple i'd like to see... Kate & Cateuselessmarks on April 6th, 2009 12:15 am (UTC)
Excellent. I really love your Olivia :)

As always, looking forward to more!
seftiri: Olivia Spencer Amazingseftiri on April 7th, 2009 04:12 am (UTC)
Thank you! I like the Olivia in my head too. I try to suppress her at work, though. But she's been bleeding through. LOL
change the sheets & then change meuselessmarks on April 7th, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
lol... Uh oh, gotta cage that Olivia up before she makes all your co-workers hot-n-bothered ;)
seftiri: Olivia Spencer Sweet Smileseftiri on April 7th, 2009 04:21 am (UTC)
LOL No, that's not the Olivia that's bleeding through. Trust me.

It's the sarcastic one. LOL
change the sheets & then change meuselessmarks on April 7th, 2009 04:28 am (UTC)
The sarcastic one? That's even better! ;D
Work is sooo much better with sarcasm...

And, not to sound terribly nosy, but I checked your user info - hello fellow North Carolinian [sp?]!
seftiri: Olivia Spencer Paper Heartseftiri on April 7th, 2009 11:55 am (UTC)
Sarcasm does make the day go faster! ;)

Oh and hello! I'm in Chapel Hill! :)
change the sheets & then change meuselessmarks on April 7th, 2009 12:04 pm (UTC)
Chapel Hill must be a happy city today, what with the Tarheels winning the big game. :)

I am west of CH, around Boone (if you know that) or about a hour from Asheville.
seftiri: Olivia Spencer Scarfseftiri on April 7th, 2009 12:12 pm (UTC)
Did they? Great! Everyone at work will be insufferable. (I'm a Duke fan but I guess I'd rather have UNC win than Michigan.)

I do know Boone! I haven't been yet but one of my good friends went to school there. Wow. I might actually have to pick your brain a little later for Hide Beside Me, since they are going to end up in the mountains of NC for part of the story. How fortuitous! (It may be too early in the morning to use that word....)
change the sheets & then change meuselessmarks on April 7th, 2009 12:23 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I am sorry to hear you are a Duke fan [lol], but you write such great Otalia... I'll let it slide ;D

And yes, any information you'd like about the area for the fic - my brain is happy to assist you. Otalia will *love* it here! Though, right now, I hope they like snow...
seftiri: Olivia Spencer Amazingseftiri on April 8th, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you for letting it slide. LOL

I heard you got snow. It's APRIL. Sheesh!

When they get closer to that side of the country, I'll be in touch. It'll be a while yet. Sometime after chapter 25 I believe. ;)
change the sheets & then change me: this i give to you... FINuselessmarks on April 8th, 2009 12:30 pm (UTC)
It is my pleasure ;) [lol]

Yea, it is the never-ending winter around here. Maybe you should send Otalia to the beach instead? I know that's where *I* want to be.

And holy crap, this'll be a long tale. Good! :D
seftiri: Olivia Spencer/Emma Spencerseftiri on April 8th, 2009 12:34 pm (UTC)
Yeah, the current count on my outline is 43 chapters and an epilogue. I'm hoping to be done with the story before my five-year-old niece graduates college. LOL

No, really. I think I'll be done by August. :)
change the sheets & then change meuselessmarks on April 8th, 2009 12:41 pm (UTC)
Wow. That is a long story! Whenever I write, I can rarely get past 50 pages or so...

But I've enjoyed it all so far, so bring on those...31 chapters! :)

ps - That icons is made of win.
runetraverse: Kitty Flavorrunetraverse on April 6th, 2009 08:11 am (UTC)
*groan* Oh, TELL me there's more!

Seriously, confession - I've been avoiding reading this one until it got far enough, because your writing is so damned good. Yes it's stupid, but it drives me NUTS to get to the end of one of your chapters and realize I have to WAIT for the next one. And with it being one of my new pairings, I figure no big deal, right?

Well, I just caught up in the last hour or so, and . . . GAH!!! I love it! Emma's adorable, you nailed Olivia, and Natalia's personality is spot-on as far as I can tell. Her AU-history is awesomely thought-out, and it fits so well with her character there's no real sense of non-canon at all. (well, as far as I can tell, anyway) Plus, the build in their relationship is well-balanced, just enough to keep a reader hooked without being a tease, and heating up so nicely.

But you're EVIL leaving it here. Okay, technically, my bad, 'cause I figured this one was far enough in not to end on a "I want more chapters NOW gimme gimme!" But you're upping the ante with them now, and the whole sleeping in the same bed scene of the last three chapters had my brain going into meltdown. So . . . *puppy eyes* More more more please soon? Before this particular reader dies of good-fic withdrawal.

Sorry for the rambling and fangirling, it's kinda late here - though the sentiment is genuine, I swear. ^^
seftiri: Olivia Spencer Amazingseftiri on April 7th, 2009 04:18 am (UTC)
LOL I have gotten many comments regarding how people are not starting this one until it's finished, and I can't blame them at all. That's probably what I would try to do in their shoes, too. I would fail, but that's really beside the point.

I am so glad you are loving the story this much and that I have the pacing correct (so far). I can tell you that the outline (there had to be one, trust me) calls (currently) for 43 chapters and an epilogue. I hope you will like them all.

I am trying to write faster, but I have a very complex RL at the moment (really it's just a lot of work/school stuff to work out). I appreciate your patience. I do not want any readers to suffer pain or death because of anything that I do or do not do.

Thank you so much for your extremely lovely and flattering feedback!
runetraverse: Kitty Flavorrunetraverse on April 7th, 2009 06:30 am (UTC)
I would fail, but that's really beside the point.

Yup, I lasted until last night, but that was the limit of my "I should wait" endurance. Especially after reading some of your other Otalia. In all seriousness, you're one of probably three fic authors whose work can be incredibly hot and still be only PG-13 rated, and that's entirely meant as a compliment. Plus, your stuff is just made of win and awesome anyway. xD

Don't worry about waiting, I'll live, though I will admit to obsessive checking of the flist for new chapters. *glee* Hope your work/school stuff goes well. ^^
Revolos55revolos55 on April 7th, 2009 05:48 pm (UTC)
Loved the line about dying in a Super 8, and giving the erroneous thumbs up to Heaven ;)

You don't know what that alone does to me, how it makes me ache for you in ways that haven't been at all platonic for at least a month. - Fantastic line.

Love Olivia's prayer. It's hilarious and sweet and awesome.

The Valium jokes were funny too ;)

Can't wait for some of these truths to come out. But hell, it wouldn't be Otalia if they just came clean about everything, would it? ;)
seftiri: Otalia Ice Creamseftiri on April 9th, 2009 03:13 am (UTC)
Can't wait for some of these truths to come out. But hell, it wouldn't be Otalia if they just came clean about everything, would it

Not by half. LOL More to come this week, I hope. I'm having quite a week and 13 is a Springfield chapter, which are always longer chapters.
(Deleted comment)
seftiri: Otalia Near Kiss 2seftiri on April 10th, 2009 04:33 am (UTC)
God, I'm a wreck about next week. I am. A wreck. And guess what day I scheduled my eye appointment for? You know, the eye appointment where I get my eyes dilated? Tuesday, of course. I probably won't be able to see anything until after 8pm. ::heavy sigh::

Look, I totally get why you don't start a story until it's finished. I would do that too if I had any kind of willpower. Which I don't. But I totally support you if you do!

And I'm not exactly laughing. It was more of a knowing smirk. I swear!

(Thank you for the lovely compliments, too, by the way.)
(Deleted comment)
seftiri: Otalia Near Kiss 2seftiri on April 11th, 2009 10:24 pm (UTC)
::camps out with you at DEFCON 1 BILLION::

I brought red wine and the makings for dirty martinis. You know, emergency rations.

And everything with my eyes should be okay. It's just my 6 month checkup (about 3 months late) and they dilate my eyes because of the blindness in the left one that they are hoping doesn't jump over to the right one. It hasn't so far and it's been 20 years since the left eye began showing symptoms, so I feel confident that the right eye will be okay indefinitely. :)