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16 September 2005 @ 12:03 am
Lily Tomlin is Love  
Okay.

So taking my vow of "Do Things You Want to Do Before You Die" very seriously, when I saw that Lily Tomlin was playing one night at the Page Auditorium, I went directly to the box office website and bought the LAST top price ticket available.

The show was tonight.

A few observations.

First, if for some reason you had wanted to obliterate a large part of the white lesbian population of the Research Triangle Park, specifically those between the ages of 30 and 75, you would only have had to drop a bomb on Page Auditorium and WHAM! 80% of us would have been vaporized.

Second. Whatever happened to DRESSING UP for a show???

Jesus H. Christ, people, I know she's a comedienne but she's a fucking virtuouso! Would you show up to Itzhak Perlman dressed like that? I think not!

Some things that I saw tonight, clothing-wise.

A bikini top and a pair of khaki clam diggers.

Aqua blue sweat pants.

Denim cut-off shorts and a white t-shirt saying DUKE.

Old man tourist shorts, the ubiquitous Izod polo (stained), white socks, sandals.

The flipflops you wear into dorm showers.

Hawaiian shirts of every bizarre color concoction.

Something that looked like pajamas.

I mean, for god's sake, people. If I can wear dress shoes and a dressy ensemble with a shawl, YOU can wear pants that go all the way to the ground!

I carried a FUCKING CLUTCH PURSE, for GOD'S SAKE. ME! A LIFE-LONG LESBIAN WHO LOATHES PANTYHOSE WITH A HATRED I USUALLY RESERVE FOR PEOPLE NAMED BUSH! CARRYING A BLACK SATIN CLUTCH PURSE! WEAR SOMETHING NICE WHEN YOU SEE A LIVING LEGEND, YOU IGNORANT FUCKS!

Confidential to the Pork Roll sitting two rows down and across the aisle. You are probably a lovely human being but you and I probably weigh within 20 pounds of each other. We're big girls. There is a right way to dress if you are lucky enough to have our body shape and our weight. A ZEBRA STRIPED, RIBBED TUBE TOP IS NOT IT!

On the other hand, that curvaceous morsel who was your date had it exactly right. Strappy black tunic over taupe gauze slacks with a flared leg and nice heels. Not to mention that long red hair pulled back with that decorative clip and those faux diamond dangling earrings. SEXY. She was totally lickable.

Confidential to the "in progress" tranny with the long, blond hair. Girlfriend! You go! The extensions were virtually invisible in that braided do you had! The pink lipgloss helped girl-up your rugby boy facial features. The earrings were to die for. However...you might, in the future, rethink the red silk, chinese inspired, sleeveless embroidered top with the teardrop cutout. It's not that it wasn't dressy enough. With those black pants, you were workin' the dressy aspect. It was that it was too tight. I took one look at you and asked myself, "Why is that man wearing a silk top?" Save that one for when you transform those shoulder muscles into curves instead of angles.

---

Lily is Love. There is nothing more I can say about that. It was everything I hoped it would be. A blend of the old and the new and the totally irreverent.

I had a fabulous time.

Right until the two giggling freshman girls who were sitting in front of me got up. One of them turned to the other and said, "Wow. That was neat!" and the other one replied, "Yeah! She was pretty good!"

::blink blink::

"Neat"? "Pretty good"?

Listen up, you yuppityfucks! That woman is one of the most successful, most talented, most amazing women on the fucking planet. She's been doing this since your parents were still in short pants! You paid a paltry $5 (student ticket cost) to see LILY TOMLIN in person. You will probably never have such an opportunity again. SHOW SOME FUCKING RESPECT BEFORE I BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH THIS CLUTCH PURSE!

"Pretty good" my white lesbian ASS.

It's children like this that make me think I am going to die of a stroke whenever I meet them. I just know one of them is the same idiot bitch who drew hearts all over her diarrhea occurence log for that study I was entering the other day at work. Who wrote "no poop today!" in purple glitter pen with a dot-serif pattern on her letters.

I weep for our future. I really do.

Twoodles.

DiNovia
 
 
My State of Mind: amusedamused
What the Voices in My Head Hear: Mood_Introspective playlist
 
 
 
Snuff: kiss me margsnuffnyc on September 16th, 2005 12:04 pm (UTC)
research triangle? are you in VA?
seftiri: Hungerseftiri on September 16th, 2005 01:18 pm (UTC)
Nope. Durham, NC. I think we're about 4 and a half hours away from DC.
Kathryn Erbe's biggest fan: actress Diane name pinkaudragoren on September 16th, 2005 12:39 pm (UTC)
you are a riot!! And I have to say, love the icon. That scene might just be my fav SVU scene. I aspire to have her ass! Could you put your LIMER dictionary on your journal? I'd love to add to my memories!
seftiri: Liv Lustseftiri on September 16th, 2005 01:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)

Shay made the icon for me. :) If you look very closely, the lipstick kiss was made using Diane Neal's lips. Shay is my personal hero. LOL

And the Limer dictionary is up here. I think it's 3 or four entries back? :)
Kathryn Erbe's biggest fan: SVU Casey guiltyaudragoren on September 16th, 2005 03:33 pm (UTC)
You guys are an inspiration!! I'd really love to e-mail Diane and direct her to some of our journals. I belong to the yahoo group but I'm not fond of the setup so I don't post. I'd love for her to see my icons and colorbars.

Thanks for the dictionary!
seftiri: DN Starpowerseftiri on September 16th, 2005 05:05 pm (UTC)
Funny you should say that. I have half of an email in my drafts folder waiting to go back to Diane for that very reason. To share with her some of our communities and journals. I just wanted to get my layout finished. Yours is in the email already. :)

As for the dictionary, if you come up with anything you'd like added, let me know. It is a changing, growing language. LOL
momma2kally on September 16th, 2005 02:47 pm (UTC)
*wipes up milk that flew out of her nose while reading your post*

Awesome, chica. Awesome.

seftiri: First Dayseftiri on September 16th, 2005 05:07 pm (UTC)
Thanks! And...uh...sorry for the snarfing of the milk.

Good luck with the principal today! Give 'em hell. Your daughter deserves better than that creep, Ellen. And so do you!

Backwards Girl: Anticipatefight_back83 on September 16th, 2005 03:07 pm (UTC)
You've made my day. I love the play-by-play fashion commentary. No one dresses up for anything anymore and what a shame. What happened to class?

seftiri: Lime Crimeseftiri on September 16th, 2005 05:08 pm (UTC)
I know! And that reminds me of that great song from Chicago. :D
ralstralst on September 16th, 2005 10:46 pm (UTC)
The divine Lily Tomlin? I am so jealous!

As for today's youth, during my recent visit to the States I found myself in-line behind this small group of 20ish people discussing some ride or other at Disney World. Discussing, that is, if you count seventeen repeats of the word awesome and a few yeah mans, as constituting a conversation. I felt like going out and buying them a dictionary or thesaurus.

That, coupled with the Raphael debacle (apparently he's the orange mutant ninja turtle, and any reference to the Rennaisance is beyond comprehension to anyone under 28), has left me with despair for the future generations.
seftiri: AJ Cuteseftiri on September 17th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)
It's so sad, isn't it? More than half of American youth cannot accurately name our Secretary of State or our Secretary of Defence, cannot name the county they live in and, in most cases, the capitol of their home state. Their American historical knowledge is so microscopic that you can forget about world history all together.

When America is overthrown, it will be by people who know their history and can accurately use it against our future "leaders".

::weeeeeeeep::

I have GOT to get out of this country. And soon!
ralstralst on September 17th, 2005 10:01 pm (UTC)
Unfortunately it's exactly the same over here, at least as far as the latest generations are concerned - although I have to admit that the names of politicians escape me, but that's generally because I'm convinced they're all clones of one another and perpetrating in some massive scheme to deprive us all of our civil libities and higher reasoning abilities - I keep getting reminded of 1984 where the government started removing words from the dictionary, so that people wouldn't have the necessary concepts to think beyond a certain level, and thus be easier to manage. Stupidity by design.

I did have a G Bush anecdote, but the details escape me for the mo. Damn, it was a goodie too.