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12 October 2005 @ 12:38 am
The Pre-review Review of "Ripped"...  
I will only say this as far as "Ripped" goes: I actually liked it better than "911". You'll get more tomorrow on that.

Instead, this evening, while watching the ep, something was born during an IM conversation that just has to be shared.

I don't know why, I don't know how. But this happened.

There is a little itty bittie spoiler for "Ripped" in what follows. As well as a metric tonne of weirdness.

You have been warned.

Someone Who Cares

a country song

by Twyla-Dee Novia

It's never enough, Elliot, my man,
Is it? It's never ever enough.
You try and you try, you do all you can
standing up for the rights of the fallen.

You hold it all in till you're wound up tight
you creak when you walk, you're so tense
you brood and you glower, till you give into the fight
and you wonder why Kathy ain't callin'

She said she's done, didn't she?
She's had it up to here
Took the kids to her mother's, didn't she?
Left you alone with your rage and the beer


Well, I've heard you had a crappy childhood, my friend,
and like the man who beat you, you work as a cop
you learned it from him, you say, how to start hittin'
but he never did teach you to stop

Well here's a quarter, Elliot, here's a fuckin' quarter
go call someone who cares

It's never enough, Olivia, my girl,
Is it? It's never ever enough.
You've grown out your hair till it falls in a curl
and still no one on Earth thinks you're straight.

You want a baby so much that it hurts,
we got that the hundredth or so time you said it,
It's distractin' you so your actual work comes in spurts
while you're trollin' Manhattan for a (gender: male) mate.

Alex went off and left you, didn't she?
She's off somewhere in Witness Protection
She ruined you for the fairer sex, didn't she?
Now you're searchin' for some lame-assed erection.


Well, I've heard you were a child of alcoholism and rape, my friend,
and you've run from your genes right to the good ol' SVU,
some days you're Satan, you say, and some days Oliska the saint,
but you'd kiss Casey if she asked, come on, we all know it's true.

Well here's a quarter, Olivia, here's a fuckin' quarter
go call someone who cares

It's never enough, fellow members of their squad,
Is it? It's never ever enough.
While those two are lookin' for their precious Emmy nod,
You all bow and scrape for three lines apiece.

Every week, it's the same ol' fucking things,
One chews the scenery and the other blinks back tears,
Doin' their damndest to nab the golden bitch with wings
while forgettin' they're not really the police.

They went off and left you behind, didn't they?
They've got the writers and producers in their hot little hands
They forgot to look back when they took off, didn't they?
Too busy givin' their agents a list of demands.


Well, you're the glue that holds this place together, my friends,
and like so many others, I hope you never ever forget it,
T-man and Belzer, Florek and Wong, and the ladies, Tunie and Neal.
it's you and your skills, just as much as them two, who're makin' the show such a hit.

So you don't need a quarter, my friends, here's my cell number for friggin' free,
call me, I'm someone who cares...
yeah, call me...I'm someone who cares...

My State of Mind: weirdweird
What the Voices in My Head Hear: LOLOL if you say so
Backwards Girl: OMGfight_back83 on October 12th, 2005 05:00 am (UTC)
*laughs uncontrollably*

I'm floored. That's really about as intelligent as it's going to get. I am in awe of your creativity. I bow down before you.
seftiri: All Smilesseftiri on October 12th, 2005 05:05 am (UTC)
No no...no bowing, please. You only get to bow if I actually learn to play the gee-tar, put that bad boy to music, and sing it at the next 10k in front of DN.

Which--at least the last part--will never happen. LOL

But thanks! :D

I enjoyed it.
Meg: explainmegandjim on October 12th, 2005 05:54 am (UTC)

This is the greatest song ever written! I think this tops my Yahoo Is A Nazi song!! This needs to be recorded and sent to Dick Wolf NOOOOOW!
seftiri: All Smilesseftiri on October 12th, 2005 06:16 am (UTC)
And yet, would he even get it? LOL

Thanks though! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D
Tiffany: iloveyou marryme plzkthxpiekid on October 12th, 2005 06:31 am (UTC)
I don't know why, I don't know how. But this happened.

LOL... yeah it did just kinda happen... that's the word for it alright.

Meanwhile, this is the best country song EVAR! To think, it took, what, an hour and a half for you to write? And how long do some artists take to come up with lyrics for an album? Makes you wonder...

This is still making me LOL.
seftiri: Squee!seftiri on October 12th, 2005 06:34 am (UTC)
Yeah, just over 90 minutes, I think. LOL

I'm glad it makes you laugh! Thanks for the original space for my inner country diva to stretch and make herself known. LOL

Danielle: Mariska and Diane - Hee!dani_ellie on October 12th, 2005 11:57 am (UTC)

seftiri: Casey Softballseftiri on October 12th, 2005 02:27 pm (UTC)
Oh no you don't, young lady! You have a story to finish!!

You just come back to life this very minute!


Glad you liked it!
Mystic Amethystmysticamethyst on October 12th, 2005 12:16 pm (UTC)
Brilliant song! You just made me laugh out loud in the middle of a very crowded,quiet computer lab, and now everyone is staring at me... Oops.
seftiri: Wickedseftiri on October 12th, 2005 02:29 pm (UTC)
Oooops! I'm evil like that, yeah. Sorry!

But I'm glad you liked the song! :D