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10 November 2005 @ 12:02 am
Review, "Name", 11/08/05  
Warning: This episode is likely to cause drowsiness. Reliving this episode via this review might also cause drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery or drive a motor vehicle until you know how this episode or its review will affect you. Do not drink alcohol or take other sedatives while watching this episode as you could experience impaired consciousness or coma. If you or a loved one begin to experience extreme fatigue or symptoms of impaired consciousness, cease watching this episode immediately and attempt to counteract the effects by dunking your head in a bucket of ice water or by watching any of the following: last week's episode, "Raw"; any episode of Medium; any episode of Battlestar Galactica; any episode of Commander in Chief; the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"; or any toddler attempting to learn how to walk.

Summary of Episode:

This week's summary is brought to you by DiNovia's father: "Nasty Elliot Stabler helps young, boring forensic specialist deal with unresolved anger over 30-year-old unsolved case that was her father's life-long obsession. Elliot doesn't blow anybody up. They still don't get the name of the boy in the box. Basically, this episode was made to show us that Elliot Stabler is a nice guy."

My father fell asleep four times during this episode. I'm amazed that he got that much out of it.

And no, he didn't elaborate on why he thinks Elliot is "nasty". And he is not gay, either, so I have no idea why he even used the word 'nasty'.

But he did.

DiNovia's Content Commentary:

Remember last week when I said the ep was a little slow getting started? Yeah. Well, this episode practically went in REVERSE by comparison. OMG. Sooooo slow.

Melinda owning up to having a Battlestar Galactica lunch box when she was a kid? Funny. Fin offering a 30-year-old Twinkie to Munch? Priceless.

Thanks, Continuitists, for putting Elliot in a cast. Now here's a hint for next time: get a small, cast-iron frying pan and just before he's supposed to go on screen, bash him in the elbow with it. I'm sure you'll get a better grimace of pain that way.

Um...who is this Millie Vanilli person and why is she here, in my show? She had some files. Pick up the files and then move on. It really is that easy. She does not have to then wander around my show wearing the SAME RED BLOUSE THAT CASEY WORE IN COURT LAST WEEK!

I would like to say that I was watching the show intently and taking notes and by 10:25pm I was not only bored out of my skull but confused as hell! Four dead Latino boys. A boy in a box. A house. A place with sand. A drug addict witness who calls out of the blue. A Latino pool guy. Four grieving sets of parents. A hospital with a black market baby scandal in its past. A mysteriously released newspaper story. Identity theft. A cold case worked by a forensics tech's cop dad who is now dead. HOLY CHRIST IN A HAND BASKET, MAKE IT STOP!! How much SHIT do you think you can cram into one episode?? Dear GOD! And yet, it's sooooooo boring! It's like having a platter filled with multitudes of dry crackers to choose from and nothing else. Yeah. That's it. It's like saltines. Low-sodium saltines.

Okay, to quote Ellen Ripley via my Casey icon, did IQs drop sharply while I was away? When a woman claims her "father" killed these four boys and you discover that her father died eight years before the first crime took place, do you just automatically DROP the idea? Her father died in 1961. She was fairly young. Do you think it is possible that the mother might have had a boyfriend or a second husband that the woman referred to as "Daddy"?? Do you, as detectives, think that is at all possible?? I mean, come on. Use your fucking brains. To quote the movie I watched instead of "Ghost", "that's that lump three feet above your ass!!"

I'm only asking, Ironbone, but do you think the episode after Elliot drops the bomb about Kathy initiating divorce proceedings is really the time to have him traipsing all over NYC with a young, nubile forensics tech? Did he offer her a drink? I can't remember. But if he did, just how many women is he going to have "drinks" with?

The one, and I do mean ONE, redeeming feature of this episode was Cranky!Casey! and her "Look, this is how it's gonna be..." attitude with the oldest, most decrepit perp I've ever seen. I love the underlying tone of "I don't give one ratfuck iota of a damn about you, but I do care that you killed this boy and we don't know his name, so I will deal with you, you scumsucking fuck, but only under these very narrow circumstances and if you don't deliver, well then, you can fucking rot until you are puking up blood in the dirtiest cell in Rikers or Sing-Sing, for all I care. Capiche?"

End of show. Let's review. Boring, confusing, snore-worthy Elliotfest redeemed by 90 seconds of Casey Novak. Yeah, thanks for fucking nothing, plot weasels!

DiNovia's Other Commentary:

10:52pm Casey Novak appears on screen for almost precisely 90 seconds. And, while she kicked ASS in that scene, 90 seconds is not NEARLY FUCKING ENOUGH TIME! What the HELL is going ON with you people over there??

And yet, I would like to note, for those of you with C/O-Yay leanings, that Olivia was not in this episode at all and Casey was in it minimally and she was CRANKY. Ergo, I will be writing this into my latest C/O-Yay offering. Because 1 + 1 sometimes ='s C/O-Yay!

Twinkies when used in conjunction with the single most overtly HoYaytastically subtexty couple in the entire L&O franchise is LOVE.

Oh where, oh where is my girl with Whore-Hair? Oh where, oh where can she be? With the top cut short and the wings that flare. Oh where, oh where can she be? I missed you, Olivia. Even the Whore-Hair would have been a welcome sight in this craptastic episode. That being said, however, I am feeling very skittish about next week's episode. Just not sure the plot weasels can carry that off without calling sharks into the East River. But, since there just might be some room for subtexty goodness in the ep, I won't judge it until I see it. Okay?

Fin, Munch...I love you guys! You do not get the screen time you deserve.

Same goes for you, Huang! And Melinda!

Dear Wardrobe Weasels, You should know that even lesbians are picking up on the fact that you have exactly 9 mix and match outfits for the women on your shows (whole franchise) to share, not including the jeans and uniform pieces for Olivia and that hideous, herringbone check, lime and white wool skirt you have Borgia wearing every other episode. Nine outfits means that a lot of clothing is getting shared around. It's become obvious. So obvious, in fact, that there is at least one femslash fanfic piece based on just that fact. If we take up a collection or something...or, better yet, if you can get the hair/makeup weasels to cut Liv's hair a leeeeeetle bit shorter, thereby cutting the mousse/hairspray budget in half, giving you more money for wardrobe...do you think you could buy a few more shirts and blouses for these women? While I enjoy the occasional "Didn't Liv wear that beret in an ep three weeks ago?" just as much as the next person, I think it is difficult for me to believe that Casey Novak and Millie Vanilli are shopping in the same boutiques!

Okay, so you found the perv-ass creepoid who murdered these children 30 years ago. You fucking tracked his disgusting, pedophiliac ass down. And how do you wrap this ep up? With a tearful graveside confessional and a chuck on the arm? I actually WOKE UP FROM A NAP FOR THIS SHIT?

There's just not much else to say about this one, dears. Boring from top to bottom with a spicy spot of Casey right near the end. If you haven't seen it, don't bother rushing to download it or anything. A total yawner. However, it was not as bad as "Demons".

DiNovia's Rating:

My State of Mind: groggygroggy
purplekudzu on November 10th, 2005 05:34 am (UTC)
K, so I thought the episode seemed a little random and confusing, but I thought it was because I was watching it at work and kept getting interrupted. Looks like the interruptions weren't the problem. It was kind of a CSI-esque episode, yes? Sigh, the 90 seconds of casey almost made it worth it for me, though--is that bad???
Seftiri, once again you've nailed the episode to a T and it is as lovely as ever. I'm glad I stayed up to catch it tonight. It's too bad the episode didn't give you more to work with. And now I'm gonna make like this episode and snooze.
seftiri: All Smilesseftiri on November 10th, 2005 06:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks! This was a hard one to write about as it was so...well...dull.

Let's hope that next week's--whether good or bad--gives me more to work with.
shayshaych_03 on November 10th, 2005 05:49 am (UTC)

totally cracked me up. which is more than i can say about that yawntastic episode.

i dvd'd it... so i can cap casey. that's it LOL.

cuz casey caps rock ... even if they're from really.bad.episodes.

as for next week. i reserve judgement. it might be good. it might be chum in the water...
seftiri: One Girl Armyseftiri on November 10th, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC)
I'm hoping for a good episode next week. Hoping, mind you, not counting on it.

Glad you liked the review though. :D
shayshaych_03 on November 10th, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
i say next week gets one lime just for having mariska in it LOL

and another if casey is in it for more than a sneeze.
Lisarockcliffchic81 on November 10th, 2005 03:39 pm (UTC)
That was a good thing to wake up to. Love reading things that put me in a good mood first thing in the morning.
seftiri: Mar Grinseftiri on November 10th, 2005 06:30 pm (UTC)
:D I'm glad I could contribute to your good mood! :)

Shut up and smile: Legsmorningafter2 on November 10th, 2005 06:47 pm (UTC)
I'm kind of just thanking my lucky stars that they had the sense to put Elliot in a cast. I didn't even expect that much from them.

The wardrobe malfunctions, however, are annoying, even for me.

Boring as she was, though, I thought the CSU was kinda cute.

Overall, though, the episode was a trainwreck. Cranky!Casey almost made up for it, but not quite. And it's a sad day for SVU when I miss the whore hair. Where did Olivia gooooooo? I miss her...

On a brighter note though, you, as always, wrote an excellent review of a less than excellent episode.
seftiri: limeseftiri on November 10th, 2005 08:08 pm (UTC)
It is a sad day in the land of SVU when we miss the whore-hair! :)

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed this one.
Shut up and smile: Bebe upstairs at the o'nealsmorningafter2 on November 10th, 2005 08:11 pm (UTC)
You're very welcome. It's hard to not like anything you write. And yes, very sad day. What's the world coming to?