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12 January 2006 @ 08:08 pm
Review, "Blast", 01/10/06  


First, a little laughter!  Funny Ad #9!




Summary of Episode:

Two 8-year-old girls discussing the finer art of nasal secretion collection are shepherded across a busy street after school by their crossing guard only to discover a yipping puppy just begging for attention.  Little Girl Blue wants to follow the puppy but Little Girl Pink demurs, saying they should go right home.  Little Girl Blue says "It'll only take a minute" and follows the puppy down a stairwell and towards a big blue door.  Just when she reaches up for the doorknob, Little Girl Pink--still on the street above--starts screaming.  Little Girl Blue runs up to the street just in time to see a masked man in a green panel van take a screaming Little Girl Pink and then speed off into traffic.  After accidentally killing a known sex offender who wasn't actually involved with this particular abduction, Detective Stabler and former Air Force officer Melinda Warner become embroiled in the Hunter family's contribution to High Drama (pun intended) when a ransom demand turns this simple child-snatching into a much more complicated excuse to use the PDA of Deus Ex Machina...yet again.

DiNovia's Content Commentary:

No ambulance ride for Olivia!  She got gipped out of her weekly lollipop again!  The poor thing.  What is this, the fifth week in a row?  ::tsk tsk::

Way to kill a pedophile, Elliot!  Even when the pedophile is not involved with your case!  But that's okay, right?  At least he fell into the trash bins.  You could just leave him there and let the city take care of his burial.  That would work, right?  Um...hello?  I don't know about you all, but wouldn't there have been some sort of review of this incident?  Some sort of internal investigation as to why a civilian not involved with Stabler's case takes a header off the side of the building into trash cans?  Wouldn't he have been removed from active duty pending the outcome of that investigation?  Just a few questions to get those brain juices flowing.  Nothing to be alarmed about.

Writers:  "This plot we have going here...it's too...I dunno.  Simplistic?  Ooo!  I know!  Let's give the kid leukemia that Warner diagnoses from the blood left in the back of the van!"
Director:  "Sounds good to me."
Actors:  ::look at one another quietly and try not to roll their eyes::
Director:  "Action."
Warner:  "Normal blood cells are on the right.  On the left are Carly's."
Stabler:  ::Meloni trying not to sigh heavily::  "You'll have to explain it to me so that I can talk to the Hunters."
Warner:  ::Tunie wondering whether to thank the writer of this week's ep for the extra cash or to brain him with a microscope::  "No, you go on with your investigation.  I'll go talk to the Hunters."
Me:  "'Cuz yeah, getting a visit from the local CORONER isn't going to panic the parents, right?"

By the end of Act One we have seen the following:
Olivia.  Check.
Elliot.  Check.
Fin.  Check.
Munch.  Check.
Cragen.  Check.
Warner.  Check.

Who, of the above, had more than one pitiful line?  Elliot, Warner, and Cragen (though just barely).  It must be nice to be able to say one sentence--for instance, "I'll go with you." (Munch to Mrs. Hunter)--and call it a day.  And be able to pay a bill or two with the paycheck from it.

Did anyone else look at the TV funny when the kidnapper asked for $300k for Carly?  In my notes, next to the dollar amount, I have the words "So odd!" underlined.  That was the first clue that something more was going on to this story.  The amount was so specific and so...small.  It raised a red flag for me immediately. 

You know, thank God the city chose to give Melinda Warner the only PDA of Deus Ex Machina in existence.  We may still be stuck in this episode if not for her magic technogear!

That being said, I was kinda geekily impressed by Elliot and Morales' covert entrance into the Hunter home.  I'm sorry.  I know it was cheesy in the most mozzarella sense of the word, but I enjoyed it.  ::sheepish grin::

A faxed ransom note?  How many people have a fax machine at home?  Red Flag number 2, Stabler!  The kidnapper has obviously been inside the home unless the supposition is that most Manhattan bank managers have faxes in their homes.  /rolling eyes

So...does the leather ransom money satchel come free with cashing out your CDs and the college fund or do you think he stopped on the way home to get one?  "Yeah, Mr. Kidnapper Guy?  Sorry, but there's only $299,875 in the bag.  I had to stop to get the perfect leather satchel for the money.  But you get the satchel too, so that equals $300k.  Is that okay?"

The people on those CSI shows should take note of the fact that the lighting in the trunk of Melinda's car was better than in 90% of crime scene shots on CSI shows.  No flashlight needed.  See the pasty white boy glow.

Ooooo!  Action!Warner!  Watch her chase a car!  Watch her pound on a moving car and call the perp a bastard!  Watch her Stop!Drop!andRoll!  Action!Warner! comes with a PDA of Deus Ex Machina, a faxed ransom note, and a leather bag filled with cash.  Silver sedan and trench coat sold separately.

Do you think actual Manhattan police precincts watch this show and see the shiny TAPU gadgets, like the interactive map of NYC complete with color pens, and wonder where the hell their budgets are going? 

What was that completely irrelevant scene with Stabler sneaking into the crib to sleep all about?  I must have missed the motivation for that completely.  Can someone explain that to me?  I've got the leukemia thing under control but Elliot sleeping in the crib?  Boggled my mind.

I can understand why the father didn't mention Daniel, their 23-year-old coke addict son (I personally think the kidnapping was all his idea) but why wouldn't the mother have?  Had Carly been my kid, I would have been trying to figure out every angle.  A coke addict son might have money problems and stage a kidnapping.  I'd be telling every person with a uniform about him and where and when I'd last seen him.  What a weird ass family...

Warner, give me that thing before I have to smack you with it!  Jesus Christ!  That's twice in ONE EPISODE!  No more toys for you. 

Okay, four things about the shooting/treatment of Mr. Hunter:
1.  I would have thought that perhaps the lung on the same side of the body as the GSW would have been the one to collapse. 
2.  I used to have a pair of scissors like those at my desk.  They couldn't cut through a single thread on the edge of a shirt let alone through skin, muscle, and tissue!
3.  You think they have the Upper Chest Squib and Blood Pack set up on automatic re-order?  Alex, Fin, Mr. Hunter... 
4.  I don't care who you are; if you are conscious and someone is trying to put a chest tube in you with a pair of freakin' KIDDIE SCISSORS, you SCREAM!

Those of you who did not immediately know that Melinda Warner was going to shoot Daniel Hunter and bring the whole episode to its inevitable conclusion as soon as she asked Stabler for his ankle piece are excused.  You must attend a required seminar on 'Plot Clues and How to Spot Them'.  It will be held in a house reputed to be haunted and all of you will be required to dress like blonde cheerleaders.  You will be issued one each of the following: a pair of cheap 4-inch-heels, a rusty flashlight from the 1970's with just enough battery power to get you up the rickety stairs, and a studly boyfriend who will shriek like a little girl as soon as he sees blood and will inevitably die first.  Any questions?

DiNovia's Other Commentary:

There was NO CASEY in this episode.  Limers everywhere wept.

And because there was no Casey, that means I do not get to ritually disembowel write to the Hair Gal this week.  Dammit!

Mar, dear?  Remember last week when I said that using small children to shield The Baby Belly was not going to work long-term?  I stand corrected.  By all means, continue to use that.  By the end of your pregnancy, I fully expect to see St. Oliska surrounded by crowds of beatific children at all times, like those sweet pictures of Jesus.  "Suffer little children to come unto me..." indeed.

Warner wore dark lime green.  That's gotta count for something, right?  ::heavy sigh::

Oh yes.  This is definitely going to be my new game: Calling out the Baby Belly Shields.  And that HUGE accordion file was fuckin' hysterical!  LOL  I laughed so hard I snorted.  I also asked (yes, out loud, thankyouverymuch): "Taking work home to Casey, Liv?"  LOLOLOLOLOLOL

ChocoFizzies.  2 parts chocolate milk to 1 part seltzer water.  Pardon me while I go puke up my guts.  Kthx.

Is it bad to want a picture of Melinda Warner in her Desert Storm uniform?  And where did she say she'd done her two tours?  Ram...something?  I swore she was going to say Rammalammadingdong for a second there and I think that distracted me.

Did we know Melinda has a daughter?  We did, right?  Aww, now I'm confused.  Rats!

Goodness and night, people, there just isn't much to say about this episode.  Other than some procedural things and the big Leukemia Lures Warner into Our Plot thing, this was a fairly linear, fairly okay episode.  Lovely Melinda had a big part and both of Olivia's scenes made me laugh rather than scream.  No enraged Elliot running amok and everyone lives at the end.  The only thing that really bothers me about this episode is that it just didn't feel like an SVU episode.  It felt...other.

Well, that and the fact that there our Limer Goddess was nowhere to be found.  Therefore... 

DiNovia's Rating:





Twoodles!

DiNovia
 
 
My State of Mind: boredbored
What the Voices in My Head Hear: Casey to Liv Playlist
 
 
 
Trublutrublusvufan on January 13th, 2006 01:23 am (UTC)
Ah. The ads. *happy sigh*

"ChocoFizzies. 2 parts chocolate milk to 1 part seltzer water. Pardon me while I go puke up my guts. Kthx." Yeah. You know, I was actually unfazed by that, as I know someone who mixes, and when I say mix, I mean literally BLENDS, (as in in a blender) chocolate milk and pickles. I'll take the seltzer.

The big thing this week : Had a random person started watching the show, they wouldn't have been able to distinguish from any other crime show. It just wasn'st SVU.

And Olivia was SO caught in that little folder thing; as soon as I saw it, I burst out to my mother: Jeez, they're using folders now? My mother's response: She's pregnant? *Hits head on desk*. No, ma, they just used the kid last week like a Christmas ornament for the hell of it.

As always ( I gotta come up with a better phrase!) loverly review. My SVU experience isn't complete until I read it.
seftiriseftiri on January 13th, 2006 02:11 am (UTC)
I mean literally BLENDS, (as in in a blender) chocolate milk and pickles.

I have to go die now, thanks. EWWWWWWWWWW.

Glad you enjoyed the review, sweetie! :D
penny_grrl on January 13th, 2006 01:27 am (UTC)
Hilarious as always! As for this: "I swore she was going to say Rammalammadingdong for a second there and I think that distracted me."... I thought I was the only one whose mind went there.
seftiri: DiMar Squeeseftiri on January 13th, 2006 02:12 am (UTC)
Oh thank GOD! I'm so glad I wasn't the only one! :D

Glad you liked the reveiw, hon! :)
(Deleted comment)
seftiri: Crushing Blowseftiri on January 13th, 2006 02:15 am (UTC)
No Casey. ::weeeeeeeeep::

And yeah, this was a yawner ep. Right around the time they got to the big "rock salt" clue, I knew I wasn't going to have to worry about adrenaline issues.

Glad you enjoyed the reveiw! :D
eclecticfaneclecticfan on January 13th, 2006 01:30 am (UTC)
Air Force officer Melinda Warner

no shit?

PDA of Deus Ex Machina

remember the good 'ol days when Munch couldn't operate a cell phone?

Action!Warner! Watch her chase a car!

so, how over the top was this - mariska over acting, over or just poor writing/directing

Melinda Warner was going to shoot Daniel Hunter

WHAT?? does this go back to the airforce thingy

ChocoFizzies

who, my god, drank THAT?

Did we know Melinda has a daughter? We did, right?

'we' didn't but I haven't watched in a while... and I thought there was supposed to be no back stories in L&O? Just askin'

seftiriseftiri on January 13th, 2006 02:20 am (UTC)
so, how over the top was this - mariska over acting, over or just poor writing/directing

She didn't over act at all. I think it was just bad writing. The whole episode was very "How can we get Warner more involved?" feeling.

who, my god, drank THAT?

The poor kid. First, she gets leukemia, then kidnapped, then drank those. Ick.
eclecticfaneclecticfan on January 13th, 2006 02:38 am (UTC)
it's actually called an egg cream - NYC is famous for them

the way I've seen them made is milk first 1/3 glass - fill with soda water then drizzle in chocolate syrup...

weird stuff nomatter what, but some people swear by it
froggumzfroggumz on January 13th, 2006 01:31 am (UTC)
And because there was no Casey, that means I do not get to ritually disembowel write to the Hair Gal this week. Dammit!

Think positive! Perhaps there was no Casey because it's taking the Hair Gal this damn long to fix her mistakes.

Is it bad to want a picture of Melinda Warner in her Desert Storm uniform?

I hope not because that's the first thing I thought of when she said Air Force.

Great review & I LOVE the Lebsol! I hope that one day there is an episode with as much Casey as we had Warner this go around.
seftiri: iconhumanpeersseftiri on January 13th, 2006 02:21 am (UTC)
We can only HOPE that the Hair Gal is fixing DN's hair! Oooo! Thanks for giving me that bit of sunshine thought! :D

Glad you enjoyed the review!

I hope we get a juicy Casey ep soon too. :D
(Deleted comment)
seftiri: C/O Yayseftiri on January 13th, 2006 03:54 am (UTC)
Liv to Casey or Casey to Liv? I have both.

Casey to Liv is:
I'm Walking on Sunshine
Love is a Battlefield, Pat Benetar
Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover, Sophie B. Hawkins
Take a Chance on Me, ABBA
Beestung, Kristin Hersh
Rescue Me, Bell, Book & Candle
So Right, Bell, Book & Candle
Inside Your Heaven, Bo Bice
Love You Madly, Cake
Family, Dar Williams
Wilder than Her, Dar Williams
Closer, Dido
Thank You, Dido
Cruising Together, Huey Lewis & Gwyneth Paltrow (it's the only thing she's ever done that I liked.)
I'm So in Love with You, Erasure
At Last, Etta James
Come Rain or Come Shine, Etta James
Here With Me, Dido
Collide, Howie Day
Prince of Darkness, Indigo Girls
Somebody to Love, Jefferson Airplane
Angel in the Morning, Juice Newton
Law & Order SVU opening credits
Imagining You, Leah Andreone
Turn Me On, Norah Jones
Frozen, Madonna
If You Love Me Let Me Know, Olivia Newton-John
Fire and Ice, Pat Benetar
Good Enough, Sarah McLachlan
Push, Sarah McLachlan
Sun's Gonna Rise, Shannon Curfman
Lose Your Way, Sophie B. Hawkins
Walking on Thin Ice, Sophie B. Hawkins
Angel of Darkness, Sophie B. Hawkins
Baby, Can I Hold You Tonight, Tracy Chapman
Wonder, Megan McCauley
Flames, VAST
and it grows...
(Deleted comment)
seftiri: O_oseftiri on January 13th, 2006 04:05 am (UTC)
EEK! C/E! LOL just kidding! ;)

Glad you like my list. One day I'll get around to typing out my Liv to Casey playlist. LOL
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - seftiri on January 13th, 2006 04:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
Shut up and smile: Warner+Livmorningafter2 on January 13th, 2006 03:44 am (UTC)
Two 8-year-old girls discussing the finer art of nasal secretion

Lukewarm hot chocolate almost out the nose on that one. Excellent start.

Did anyone else look at the TV funny when the kidnapper asked for $300k for Carly?

Oh, I wasn't alone? I turned to my dad on the comercial break and said, "You've just kidnapped a kid. You have everyone at your mercy. Her life is in your hands. How much do you ask for?" Him: A million at least.

2. I used to have a pair of scissors like those at my desk. They couldn't cut through a single thread on the edge of a shirt let alone through skin, muscle, and tissue!

I have a pair of those scissors. They're frustrating. I sat there thinking "Now why can't my pair cooperate like that?"

You must attend a required seminar on 'Plot Clues and How to Spot Them'. It will be held in a house reputed to be haunted and all of you will be required to dress like blonde cheerleaders. You will be issued one each of the following: a pair of cheap 4-inch-heels, a rusty flashlight from the 1970's with just enough battery power to get you up the rickety stairs, and a studly boyfriend who will shriek like a little girl as soon as he sees blood and will inevitably die first. Any questions?

I have one. Isn't cruel and unusual punishment a no-no? (I knew, for the record, but I'd kind of been waiting the whole episode for her to shoot someone. I just knew that was going to happen. >_>)

ChocoFizzies. 2 parts chocolate milk to 1 part seltzer water. Pardon me while I go puke up my guts. Kthx.

I'm tempted to try that, actually. Uh, the ChocoFizzies, not the vomiting of my guts.

Is it bad to want a picture of Melinda Warner in her Desert Storm uniform? And where did she say she'd done her two tours? Ram...something?

No, it's not. I want one too. She did her two tours in Ramstein, in Germany.

Did we know Melinda has a daughter? We did, right? Aww, now I'm confused. Rats!

In "Juvenile", when she was talking to Liv and Elliot (I believe) about the contents of vomit or something, she mentioned having a daughter in the sixth grade or something. It's been a long, long time since I saw it. I'm amazed I remember even that.

*scrolls up* o_O Lots. Excellent review, as always. Yay for lots of Warner, but boo for no Casey! People, the cure for Blonde!Casey is not Absent!Casey. I'll take what I can get, blondeness or not.
seftiri: LMAOseftiri on January 13th, 2006 04:02 am (UTC)
WOW! I'm glad you enjoyed the review, sweetie!

Juvenile. Gotcha. Thanks. I'll watch that. Someday.

And I'm so glad I wasn't the only one who went all O_o over the $300k figure. :D

And yes. I, too, will take Blonde!Casey! over Absent!Casey! any day. As much as that pains me. ;)
Shut up and smile: Season one!Liv!morningafter2 on January 13th, 2006 04:10 am (UTC)
I can type a lot when I've just removed myself from a fourteen-hour school-plus-study spree. My brain automatically switches from "student" mode to "ramble" mode.

Ah, Juvenile... the good old days before Donnely was a judge. Of course, they were also the not-so-good old days before Casey. (Heh, BC, Before Casey.)

Maybe Hair Gal recommended removing Casey to make us suffer? You know, a way of telling us "Shut up and be grateful for what you've got!"
seftiri: Don't Fuckseftiri on January 13th, 2006 04:18 am (UTC)
Maybe Hair Gal recommended removing Casey to make us suffer? You know, a way of telling us "Shut up and be grateful for what you've got!"

That's a war she will LOSE! LOLOL

(no subject) - morningafter2 on January 13th, 2006 04:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
Trisa: justicetrisa419 on January 13th, 2006 03:52 am (UTC)
Last week your review made me watch the episode, this week I want to thank you for saving me 50 some minutes of my time :)
seftiri: Justiceseftiri on January 13th, 2006 04:03 am (UTC)
Any time I can be of service, dear.

::bows::

delphinush19delphinush19 on January 13th, 2006 04:54 am (UTC)
OK, you've gone and done it. I've been lurking here for a while after being lured in by your lovely reviews. I was going to ask if I could friend you a while back, but then found out that you were a Duke Bluedevils fan, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it (I myself am a huge UK Wildcats fan). However as I have continued to lurk and read your reviews, I have found myself ignoring the fact that our basketball teams are mortal enemies and enjoying your take on my favorite show. It also helps that you are a fan of the lovely Diane Neal whom I adore also. So, the point to this post (yes there really is one) is to ask you if it would be alright if I add you to my friends?
seftiri: DN Starpowerseftiri on January 13th, 2006 05:02 am (UTC)
I promise to restrain the Duke Blue part of me as much as humanly possible.

Of course, you may friend me! May I friend you back?

Glad you are liking the reviews! :D
(Anonymous) on January 13th, 2006 05:05 am (UTC)
And I in turn promise to refrain from any anti-Duke comments.

And of course you may friend me...I need all the friends I can get, my list is a little small as of yet.
delphinush19delphinush19 on January 13th, 2006 05:09 am (UTC)
oops, I forgot that I wasn't loged in :D
shayshaych_03 on January 13th, 2006 05:47 am (UTC)
1) love the add. pure comic gold :) 2) pda of Plot Advancement = "we spent a lot of money on this gadget, USE it." 3) Action Warner = someone on the writing staff must be reading Patricia Cornwell's Kay Scarpetta books 4) I think it's TARU not TAPU but i could be wrong LOL 5) the scissors of surgical procedure = Melinda is stronger than we know. she must have pushed down REALLY hard to "puncture" everything. *note that when reinflating a lung, there would be hissage of air = guy should have been screaming and flopping about like a landed fish. 6) Poor Casey. Having the flu has to suck. Because that would be the only reason *why* she wasn't there, to issue warrants etc, right? Not even a passing mention of "Novak wants..." (because Novak gets what she wants, right? Seems to me that, yes, generally when Casey says Jump, the detectives respond with How high? 7) How nice of Olivia to take work home. Like she doesn't already carry a TON of crap out of that precinct daily? Please, next time, use the jacket to hide the baby bump.

Anyway, I sort of randomly watched this ep, and therefor missed any reference to the air force, ramstein and desert storm. ah well. i recorded it. if i should feel the need to torment myself with NO CASEY, i'll watch it again.

Erin - your review was, as always a hoot :)
seftiri: Benson Cute Smileseftiri on January 13th, 2006 06:08 am (UTC)
1) Thank you. When an ad actually uses the word GAY in big, two inch letter, it has to be defiled immediately. That is the law. ;)

2) Cell phones of plot advancement I can deal with. The PDA of Deus Ex Machina sends emails! It transmits data! It slices! It dices! It annoys the piss out of me!

3) If you say so.

4) I think you're right. TARU... I don't know where my head was.

5) That was the lamest medical procedure I have ever seen on TV. It far out-lames even the birth of Elizabeth, the half-human, half-Visitor baby on "V", lo, these many years ago. At least we got a hissing, goo-covered lizard baby out of that!

6) The flu? Really? You don't think Liv accidentally left her handcuffed to the headboard again? Hmmm... I'll make a note of that... ;)

7) Hell, I've rarely ever seen the bitch even leave the damn office, let alone take anything with her! I still chuckle when I see the scene. LOL Note to writers: Just DESK the woman already! Make her fuck up and sit her ASS down! Easy peasy, people. Always go for easy peasy... Or else you really will have to glue a small child to Liv and that will make me snort with unrestrainable laughter.

Glad you enjoyed it, hon! :D
shayshaych_03 on January 13th, 2006 09:08 am (UTC)
LOL! they really used the word gay? LOL would you believe that those phones really do, DO all that, and more? very skerry. hmm well the ep was kind of PU-y w/o casey... ;) oh dear gods. V. there's so much about that series that i both loved and hated. if she were handcuffed to the headboard, do you REALLY think liv would just leave her there? ;) ah yes, the old standby of KISS. keep.it.simple.stupid. :D
randomtuesday on January 14th, 2006 05:13 am (UTC)
"Ooooo! Action!Warner! Watch her chase a car! Watch her pound on a moving car and call the perp a bastard! Watch her Stop!Drop!andRoll! Action!Warner! comes with a PDA of Deus Ex Machina, a faxed ransom note, and a leather bag filled with cash. Silver sedan and trench coat sold separately."

I want one.
seftiri: DN Starpowerseftiri on January 15th, 2006 04:13 pm (UTC)
They'll be in stores in time for next Christmas. ;)