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14 March 2006 @ 01:08 am
The O_o of My Job Hunt  
I don't understand some things.

Honestly, I don't. 

About a month ago I went on an interview at a telecommunications company that claimed to be interested in making every one of their employees an essential part of their company's success but the two "managers" (neither one of them seemed old enough to shave) perpetrated upon me what I later called the Good Cop/Bad Cop Interview.  The woman was nice, solicitous, interested in me and my work history while the man was rude, jumped from topic to topic like a ADHD monkey addicted to meth, and later admitted to faking a sneeze during the interview just to see if I would stop in the middle of what I was saying to "bless him".  (WTF?  Is this Dogma or something?)

Even though Mr. Asshole went out of his way to make me feel like an idiot during this interview, I followed up with both him and the other interviewing manager with emails the same day.  I even asked questions and took the time to make specific comments, not just generic 'thank you' emails.  This company so concerned with a "new way of doing business" and making every person "an essential part of the company's success"?  Yeah, I didn't get a single email back.  Not even an acknowledgment that they had spent any time with me or that my emails warranted any sort of response. 

Nice going, Bandwidth.com.  Really professional of you.  Dearest friends and lurkers?  If you ever need a company to set up T1 or VOIP services for you, avoid Bandwidth.com.  If they treat potential employees like this, who knows how they would treat their customers, right? 

So the search goes on.

Next, a company calls me out of the blue after viewing my resume on Monster.com.  I went in for an interview which was an hour and 15 minutes long (including a tour).  I felt that the office manager and I got along very well, that I handled myself beautifully and that the interview went well overall.  Those feelings seemed confirmed when I was called in for a second interview, a 'working interview' where I sat with the front office coordinator for three hours and watched the flow of the office.  I followed up with both the office manager and the front office coordinator the same day via email, telling them that I was very interested in the position and that I looked forward to hearing from them regarding whether or not I would be a fit for what they needed.  That was on February 28th and I have heard nothing...not even a 'thank you for your email, we'll be in touch' type thing.

::heavy sigh::

Just over two weeks ago I applied for the position of Claims Specialist for a major medical insurance company.  About a week or so ago I was asked in to take an "assessment test" to see if I met the criteria for this position.  The test consisted of several parts.  Several odd parts.

First, data entry.  A timed test on the entering of names/addresses/phones and coverage regions.  If one didn't pass this test, one didn't progress to the other tests and was quietly asked to leave.  By the computer.  Which is exactly what happened to the girl next to me.  O_o  No pressure! 

But voila!  I can apparently type well enough!  After 18 years in the workforce, who'd have thought?  So I progressed to the second section:  Comparison of Visual Data.  Another timed test, this time requiring the taker to compare two columns of information and choose the row that does not have identical entries.  Oohhhh-kay. 

But voila!  I can tell the difference between identical and nonidentical pieces of information!  So I am allowed to go on to section three: Following Directions.  Another timed test, this time giving information in a word problem format and asking you to choose the answer that is indicated by the directions given.  At this point I begin to worry that perhaps I am a little overqualified for the position.  After all, these questions are comparable to questions I used to answer in the fifth grade! 

Of course I pass that test.  /rolling eyes.  Which allows me to progress to the final test: a 75 question personality test where questions repeat but in a slightly differently worded manner.  The idea is to see if you can understand similar concepts though worded differently and also to see if you are consistent in your answers to questions they have deemed important.  The two questions that repeated for me?  "How many times have you volunteered for overtime in past employment scenarios?" and "What is the total dollar amount of items (including food) that you have taken without permission from previous employers?" 

WHAT??

So basically you want to know A) am I a conscientious employee who volunteers for extra work and B) how big a thief I am??

Needless to say, I pass this final test and am told that they will be contacting me via email later to give me "further instructions".  At which point I wonder where the ransom drop is going to be and whether or not I'm going to have to show up alone.  O_o

They do contact me later to set up a phone interview with a representative from HR.  I speak to the lovely woman for 20 minutes and she gives me an overview of the salary and benefits included in the position and asks me a couple of those "Describe a time in you past employment where you were asked to cover up the death of a fellow employee..." type questions, which I answered well.  I even asked a few questions of my own.  She told me to expect another email with "further instructions".   

Sure enough, an hour later I receive an email asking me to come in for an "on-site interview", which I scheduled for today.

It lasted for an hour and a half!!  OMG!!

People, this is a position where I will be responsible for looking at a medical insurance claim and making sure the information is correct!!  This is not the freaking CIA, for God's sake!

An hour and a half of more "Describe for me a time when you might have learned something new.  How did you go about that and how did the ultimate result make you feel?" questions.  Mind.  Numbing.  Torture.

But I get through it, all with a smile, and then the woman thanks me and tells me that she suspects I'll be contacted for a further interview shortly.

Excuse me??  Another interview??  What on FUCKING EARTH could you possibly need to know about me NOW?? 

You know that I can read, that I can type, that I can operate a motor vehicle, a door, a computer and a phone, that I can compare data and follow directions, that I am not a thief and that yes, I probably would volunteer for overtime given the opportunity.  You know that I'm interested in the position, that the pay rate matches my range, and that I have never chopped up a body and hidden it at the behest of an employer.  You have my ENTIRE work history and PAGES of descriptions of times when I "met a challenge" or "experienced a stressful day"...  What on EARTH and in ALL THE HEAVENS could you possibly want to know now?? 

Do you need my blood type?  My dental records?  My thoughts on quasars?  Why I chose an article about Erin Gray to include in my 6th grade class's Time Capsule that we buried on the playground?  My favorite chicken recipe to feed a family of four?  What else could you possibly need from me? 

IT'S CLAIMS!  FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY DO NOT DEPEND ON WHETHER OR NOT GLADYS FREEMONT'S BUNION SURGERY IS PAID FOR UNDER THE CORRECT CODE!!

You know, I actually did apply to the CIA last month.  I'm starting to wonder if this is my interview for them.

It sure would make more sense. 

Good God, people...  All I want is a job so that I can collect a paycheck that will allow me to travel to Las Vegas so that I can take a very sexy, wonderful woman on a date that I promised her months ago. 

Is this really so much to ask? 

Sheesh...

Twoodles.

DiNovia
Tags: ,
 
 
My State of Mind: irritatedirritated
 
 
 
Backwards Girl: WTF?fight_back83 on March 14th, 2006 06:19 am (UTC)
Good grief, that read like torture; I can't imagine actually having to go through it all. You poor thing! Should I ship you a bottle of aspirin and a good single malt?

At the very least, I'm sending you positive thoughts that you'll land a (good) job without having to jump through anymore hoops. Sounds like you've jumped through enough to last a lifetime.
seftiri: Whateverseftiri on March 14th, 2006 04:06 pm (UTC)
I've had doctor's appointments that were less invasive!

Thank you for your good wishes...

I ended up taking some aspirin last night. :)
Meg: WTFmegandjim on March 14th, 2006 06:44 am (UTC)
holy shit
seftiri: Kidding Meseftiri on March 14th, 2006 04:06 pm (UTC)
Totally.
shayshaych_03 on March 14th, 2006 07:30 am (UTC)
whereas the interview for the cia goes something like: "can you keep a secret?" "yup." "you're hired." ;) LOL
seftiri: SmirkYeahRightseftiri on March 14th, 2006 04:07 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that would be my luck.... LOLOL
(Deleted comment)
Rebecca: sam smarter than youtheniwokesoftly on March 14th, 2006 12:27 pm (UTC)
Ahahaha I said Holy Hannah too. D'you think we watch too much Stargate?
(Deleted comment)
Rebecca: sam cartertheniwokesoftly on March 14th, 2006 01:03 pm (UTC)
The best part by far is that I've only seen season 1 and then a few new eps and a few reruns. It's that addicting.

/thread hijack
(Deleted comment)
Rebeccatheniwokesoftly on March 14th, 2006 01:17 pm (UTC)
I don't think she is. Do you have AIM or YIM? I'm Sing1118 on the former, princessbttrcup on the latter. We need to start a stargate addict comm!
seftiri: squintseftiri on March 14th, 2006 04:09 pm (UTC)
If I didn't have a sense of humor, I would weep about this. I just want to get on with my life, you know?
Rebeccatheniwokesoftly on March 14th, 2006 12:26 pm (UTC)
Holy Hannah. I had to do tests like that when I interviewed at Target and I didn't get the job. I was like WTF, it's TARGET. But not quite as many as you did.
seftiri: All is Deathseftiri on March 14th, 2006 04:10 pm (UTC)
Sucks, doesn't it?

But I have love for your icon!!
froggumzfroggumz on March 14th, 2006 04:14 pm (UTC)
Holy Freaking Jebus! It's not like you are asking to do brain surgery on anyone, just go over the claims. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that something pans out.
seftiri: Save Meseftiri on March 14th, 2006 04:18 pm (UTC)
I know, right? I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should go into neurosurgery... Surely it's easier to get hired!

Thanks for your good wishes!
Mystic Amethyst: avengingmysticamethyst on March 14th, 2006 06:32 pm (UTC)
That sounds totally horrific. >:( I sending good luck vibes in your direction, hoping that it all goes well and works out QUICKLY. :)
seftiri: DiMar Friend Loveseftiri on March 14th, 2006 08:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you, sweetie. From your mouth to God's ears! :D

Trisa: yeah righttrisa419 on March 14th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC)
Life can really suck sometimes.

However, maybe the reason that those job interview's were so awful was because working as a claims specialist ...etc is not your true calling.
seftiri: NovakJusticeseftiri on March 15th, 2006 06:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, I know that it isn't. Unfortunately, I can't be employed in my true calling yet because I haven't figured that out quite...

My sweetie played the voice of reason for me last night and helped me to remember that a day job is just a day job. I can have a day job and still be fulfilled... And maybe I'll be able to be fulfilled in my work eventually.

In the meantime, a day job pays bills, provides medical benefits, and allows me to travel...three very important things. ;)
Shut up and smile: Bebe is prettymorningafter2 on March 14th, 2006 11:02 pm (UTC)
Dear god...

Never, ever thought I'd say this given I'm fairly certain it's breaking every law of teenager-dom, but thank God I'm still in school. (Not that I don't like school...)

Since I can't beat them down and make them stop with the interrogation (now that I know isn't legal), I'll send many a happy good luck thought your way.
seftiri: DiMar Friend Loveseftiri on March 15th, 2006 06:06 pm (UTC)
You are a sweetheart and I thank you for your good wishes. :)

::hugs you::

I loved school too. I never realized how much, though, until after I left. ::sigh::

Shut up and smile: Karolina independancemorningafter2 on March 15th, 2006 08:06 pm (UTC)
Aw, you're welcome. I just feel bad that good wishes are all I can give.
rave_review on March 15th, 2006 09:45 pm (UTC)
Holy crap. Modern job searching is like, fucking hell.
(I had to do a bunch of tests with lab equipment, two interviews, a security check...)
Jesus. How many questions can they possibly ask you?
So sorry for your troubles! Hope ya get the job!
seftiri: Mar Grinseftiri on March 15th, 2006 10:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks hon!

::shakes head:: I had another interview today, this time for a medical office... An hour and a half, and meeting with four people, all for a 20-hour/week job...

O_o

Crikey!
Stacystacyyy on March 15th, 2006 10:11 pm (UTC)
Holy Moly, Erin. The World of the Working (or, trying to be working) seems so complicated!

I'm nervous about applying for a job, which I probably should be doing right now.
seftiri: O_oseftiri on March 15th, 2006 10:49 pm (UTC)
It didn't used to be this complicated, trust me. When Clinton was in power, I could go out, interview, and be hired on the spot.

Nowadays it seems everyone wants to do extra background searches and checking up and questionnaires... UGH.

I hate living in an Orwellian society.

Stacystacyyy on March 15th, 2006 11:10 pm (UTC)
Golly. Everything seems more difficult than necessary these days.

Maybe I should wait to get a job until Bush is out of Office LOL.