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27 March 2006 @ 08:37 pm
Review, "Class", 03/21/06  

First, an apology.  I know this review is really, really late, even for the new release schedule and I'm very sorry about that.  I could make up all sorts of clever excuses but the reality is this episode was so boring as to be almost painful.  True, it was no "Name", but honestly people, I once watched five tiny turtles tread water for three hours.  I was captivated by these turtles and they did absolutely nothing but bob up and down in the water and occasionally pump their little webbed feet.  Long story short, given the choice of watching "Class" again and paying to see five turtles tread water, I'd go with the turtles every damned time.

The review, therefore, is likely to be brief.  Unless you really want me to type in all the snoring sounds I made.  ;)

But again, I apologize.  I hope that the imminent advent of new and hopefully interesting episodes will keep this from happening again.

Summary of Episode:

So a hooker walks up to a john and says...  Yeah, I love it when the episode starts out like a bad dirty joke and then just gets worse.  So a hooker proppin' a john hears something in the alley behind her and starts after the sound, yelling that this is her turf and that the bitch better run.  Except that it isn't the competition making the noise, it's someone leaving a dead girl under a grate.  Cue Warner on the scene.  Everyone thinks it's a hooker killing until they find her college ID.  Then everyone thinks it's a college-kid-turning-tricks-for-tuition killing.  Cuz yeah, they're all fucking jaded now.  Oh, and she took a picture of her killer.  Except that you can't see it.  Great idea in theory, doll, but lousy in execution. 

Then there was this long, drawn-out middle portion of the show where there was a bitchy roommate, some nerdy friend of the victim, a red herring "term papers for cash" motive, a sports star with some hefty bling, underground poker games, and the fucking Secret Service.  And lots and lots of snoring sounds.

Turns out that the vic and her nerdy friend were partnered in a poker con and were making a lot of money.  But she got greedy and lost $150k in one night (at a poker game run by an undercover Secret Service agent, but that's not really important).  When she told her partner he was on the hook for half, he killed her.  Oh, and apparently he was dating her bitchy roommate on the side.  Who was locked up for stealing the bling that the vic had won in a poker game?  I don't know really.  At that point I was barely conscious, the ravishing Diane Neal notwithstanding.

So, let's review:

Two blue collar college kids on financial aid start grifting for cash.  The girl uses her "winnings" to pay for college.  The boy uses his to impress chicks.  The girl gets caught up in an underground game and loses $150k.  The boy, not wanting to pay back half, kills her.  The girl's bitchy roommate, who is dating the boy, testifies against him.  Stabler then arrests the bitchy girl for some sort of theft.  DiNovia wakes up and thinks "Well, that was almost Shakespearean, except instead of everyone dying, everyone went to jail.  How...what's the word I'm looking for?...oh, yeah.  BORING."

DiNovia's Content Commentary:

Remember that dirty joke beginning?  Yeah, the hooker's name was Vegas and she actually said "Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."  Um, Ms. Vegas?  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  That is not an effective seduction tactic because now all I can think about is...  ::pukes::  It's too horrible to even type here.  U.G.H.

Oh come on, Morales?  What do you mean you can't clean up a 2 inch square, low-pixel cell camera pic taken after midnight downtown?  If Olivia needed it to save some kid's life, I bet you'd have it blown up poster-size, in Technicolor, complete with the name of the perp in Garamond font in the lower right hand corner.

$200/paper?  Shit, I would have charged $350.

We've already been over this but I really think T has a backup career in PSAs.  Think about it.  If T was on your TV, telling you to "Stay in school", wouldn't you give it some extra thought?  I would.

However, his best line of the evening came when he verified Gloria's alibi that she was in choral rehearsal when Carolyn was murdered:  "The Indigo Girls in five part harmony...now that's painful."

Not as painful as Stabler's attempt at humor, though.  "Send it to Carolyn Perrera, care of the afterlife."  ::sigh::  It just wasn't that funny, E.  Sorry.

Okay, what the HELL was all that tension between Stabler and Benson about?  There wasn't any lead in to that.  First she's there (welcome back, toots) and then they're arguing?  Did I actually fall asleep during the episode or was there absolutely no lead in to that scene?

Stabler, here's a tip for you.  Please save the histrionics for a perp that actually deserves your empathy.  This kid killed his best friend of over 15 years because he didn't want to give up the artificially wealthy lifestyle he'd created for himself out of MONEY HE'D SCAMMED OFF UNSUSPECTING PEOPLE!  This is not a kid that warrants special attention.  Hello? 

Like the Goddess Casey spake, "I waited tables in law school; I served my classmates.  It sucked but it didn't make me kill anyone."  And BINGO was his name-o.

Gambling addiction?  Oh, please.  With a side of Give Me a Fucking Break.

Thank God there were so many sympathetic characters in this episode, otherwise...  Oh wait.  Never mind.

DiNovia's Other Commentary:

10:43pm Casey Novak on screen!  Looking like...she smeared Hello Kitty Playful Pink Lip Gloss all over her mouth.  Who the FUCK put my Limer Goddess in PETAL PINK LIPSTICK!  For pity's sake!  Just when it looks like the hair might be turning back, someone goes and fucks with the lipstick?

Okay.  Having Mar in the beginning and then bringing her back in the middle briefly...while saying something about a donut shop...well that's just asking for snarkage.  What does it say in your notes, you ask?  "Donut shop?  Well, you would know, honey.  You would know."

Hiding behind Elliot to hide the Baby Belly is only going to work for so long.  Unless he starts putting on weight too.  LOL

Honestly, this episode was soooooooooooooo boring.  It frightens me how boring it was.  I couldn't even be bothered to care about it when it was over.  I dreaded this review because of how short I was afraid it would be! 

Weak.  A very weak episode.  There wasn't even a whole lot to snark about! 

Oh well...  Hopefully this next one will be a little better, what with Ludacris in da house!  (Feel free to cringe because yes, I am that white.) 

Anyway...  Gotta give this snoozefest a rating, don't I?  Hmmmm....

The plot was actually linear and easy to follow...for the most part.  Too bad I just didn't care.

DiNovia's Rating:

ETA: Due to a number of comments, I've decided to review my rating and change it from 2 Lemons of Suckage to 4 Lemons of Suckage. That seems to be the right rating for this episode after all.


My State of Mind: boredbored
eclecticfaneclecticfan on March 28th, 2006 02:30 am (UTC)
red herring "term papers for cash" motive

didn't we already have this in a ep? yes?

and only 2 limes or suckage? hell, I didn't watch it but reading this was painful enough - give it at least 3...

thanks, babe
seftiri: First Dayseftiri on March 28th, 2006 02:34 am (UTC)
Yeah, I should probably give it three, huh? Maybe tomorrow.

Glad you enjoyed it. LOL
Shut up and smile: Christina fancymorningafter2 on March 28th, 2006 02:34 am (UTC)
*sigh* It's a testament to just how boring that episode was that you couldn't find much to snark about.

My biggest problem with this episode (aside from, you know, the fact that it was mind-numbingly boring) was their casting of... what's-his-face. The killer.

I like Will Estes, I do. But he was Will Malloy on Reunion, and then, going to jail when you're innocent to cover your best friend's ass, because you'll get off lighter than he will? That's a sign of one hell of a friend, and an awesome person (if not a bit of a sucker).

Then this guy goes and shows up as someone who mercilessly murders his best friend because of money, and I couldn't buy it. I kept seeing Will Malloy in my mind, and I just. couldn't. buy. it.

We've already been over this but I really think T has a backup career in PSAs. Think about it. If T was on your TV, telling you to "Stay in school", wouldn't you give it some extra thought? I would.

He does, he does! Not that I would quit, because I'm enough of a nerd to like everything about my schoolwork. But if I was going to... I'd probably do it anyway, but I might think about it more.

Oh well... Hopefully this next one will be a little better, what with Ludacris in da house! (Feel free to cringe because yes, I am that white.)

*bg* Someone had to say that. Kudos to you, I wouldn't, because I know I would sound completely lame if I did. >_>
seftiriseftiri on March 28th, 2006 10:09 pm (UTC)
Oh well... Hopefully this next one will be a little better, what with Ludacris in da house! (Feel free to cringe because yes, I am that white.)

*bg* Someone had to say that. Kudos to you, I wouldn't, because I know I would sound completely lame if I did. >_>

Oh, I sounded lame too. I just admitted it right up front. ;)

God, even thinking about "Class" makes me sleepy.

I'm glad others agree. I think I will have to change the rating though. Two lemons just doesn't seem enough anymore.
Shut up and smile: Carey smilemorningafter2 on March 28th, 2006 10:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, I sounded lame too. I just admitted it right up front. ;)

Well, sometimes you've got to sound lame. It's fun. Besides, now you can say you spoke Ghetto online for a few seconds. Which is definitely something to brag about. Or pretend never happened. Either or.

Two lemons just doesn't seem enough anymore.

Yes, any episode that makes getting my math textbook out and doing an extra lesson just to stay awake seem favorable is probably worthy of a worse rating. >_>
Trisa: pantsuittrisa419 on March 28th, 2006 03:18 am (UTC)
This is the first episode that I didn't tape to watch later in about 2 months, and now I don't feel like I missed anything other then hookers, and pale pink which really (to me) isn't such a big loss.

So thanks for the review :)
seftiri: Limer Lawseftiri on March 28th, 2006 10:11 pm (UTC)
You're welcome. And yeah, it was a complete snoozer. No big loss.

(Deleted comment)
seftiri: Dreamseftiri on March 28th, 2006 10:15 pm (UTC)
:) Yes, I thought you might like that statement from Casey.

I would like to know where she went to law school, though. Might help track the waitressing job down. Or maybe she was a bartender. That would be cool too.
shayshaych_03 on March 28th, 2006 03:47 am (UTC)
i dvd'd but did not cap. in fact, i think the dvd is still in the dvd recorder.


of course, that could be because i messed up and lost about 5 minutes in the middle while pausing for commercial.

anyway, your review was still worth a good snort or two of laughter, even if the ep was... lamentably lamish. :)
seftiri: LMAOseftiri on March 28th, 2006 10:16 pm (UTC)
"Lamentably Lamish" is a wonderful phrase... LOL

Glad you enjoyed the review.

shayshaych_03 on March 28th, 2006 10:26 pm (UTC)
well, the ep couldn't seem to commit to one particular thread idea (was it the sports star, the gamblers or the roommate? no, it was the best friend. go figure!)therefore, i don't find it necessary to pin a precise point on exactly HOW bad it was. it was just. lamish. LOL
TrueXena: Limerize your Pets!truexena on March 28th, 2006 07:15 am (UTC)
this episode sucked way more lemons than 2. I say throw the whole crate at the episode. It SUCKED!, and hard.

I wasnt even able to view it the first time through without falling asleep. Yes, yes, watching at 2am is not really a good time to watch AND stay awake. But I've never had issues with less sucky episodes in the past.

This was ep broke the 'lame-o-meter' at my house.

However, I very much enjoyed your review, and though there was not alot to snark about, you made me giggle. ;o) Thank the gods there is your reviews after such garbage is aired.
seftiri: Crunchseftiri on March 28th, 2006 10:23 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked the review, hon! And you should be notified that I did change the rating to 4 Lemons of Suckage. You are right, that is a more apt rating.

Hopefully tonight's ep is better!

a_noni_muss on March 28th, 2006 12:05 pm (UTC)
yes it sucked...really depressing that diane only gets some screen time in the last fifteen or so minutes. also that mariska is no where to be seen (probably feeding the bump with donuts). speaking of mariska...did anyone notice that when she was walking alongside El that she well...waddled? it seemed like the pregnant-woman's-bladder-is-full waddle.
seftiri: Mar Joyful Heartseftiri on March 28th, 2006 10:24 pm (UTC)
LOLOLOL I did not notice the waddle but it does not surprise me...

Sometimes I miss so much while taking notes!! LOLOLOLOL
(Deleted comment)
seftiri: Don't Evenseftiri on March 28th, 2006 10:28 pm (UTC)
If Hair Gal was responsible for that pink lipstick, she and I are going to have it out! Grrrr.....

Glad you liked the review, sweetie! We can all pray that tonight's ep will be better and more exciting. Or at least more something.

(Anonymous) on March 31st, 2006 03:05 am (UTC)
This review was hysterical and so dead-on it had me cracking up out loud. My room mate thinks I've completely lost it now... Hehe.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who noticed the god-awful Hello Kitty lipstick. Everyone thought I was insane for complaining about it. My boyfriend playfully told me I needed to stop staring at Casey's lips. I think he knows me too well... *snerk*
seftiri: blue angel DNseftiri on April 8th, 2006 06:24 pm (UTC)
First, I'm sorry for the lateness of this response! I'm so bad these days. I blame myself. I have such a hard time balancing things lately!

Second, I'm glad I'm not the only one to notice that horrific lipstick either. Godawful stuff!

I'm glad you liked the review. Hopefully I can get one of the other two owed out soon. :D