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08 May 2006 @ 04:29 pm
Review, "Fat", 05/02/06  
Okay.  Because I was house-sitting and there was something wrong with my brother's wireless connection all weekend, I was unable to post this on Friday as I had hoped.  I'm sorry guys!






Can I just snark first on this picture?  My beautiful Tiff sent me this ::shudders:: horrible excuse for an official ad that she found at the NBC.com website.

Yes, you read correctly.  NBC.com put this horrid, worthless waste of pixels on their website as an official ad for "Fat".

Both Elliot and Olivia have the right expression of their faces.  The look that says "Oh my God, someone took a shit on the captain's desk?"

Not to mention the little white areas around Olivia's head where the idiot failed to polish the edges and WTF is up with Elliot's hair??  Isn't that like first season hair??

I thought the synopsis was bad but this just made it worse!

UGH...

Summary of Episode:

What can I say about this episode?  It was such a heartwarming story from beginning to end, wasn't it?

How can I possibly sum this up for you...  Hmmmm...

How about:

Once upon a time, a detective we know and loathe is in the midst of making his parish priest laugh hysterically during a confession when he is called to a crime scene.  Once there, he is introduced to his new partner, one Lucius Blaine (really now...what is with the ridiculous names this season?).  This introduction comes as a bit of a shock to our intrepid detective.  As does his new partner's arrogant, abrasive, abusive nature...

Nah.  I can't make it any better that way.

Here's the bottom line:

Two clinically obese teens beat and sodomize a slender white teen and then cut off one of her fingers.  In the course of the investigation, the detectives discover that the teens were exacting revenge on their victim for the part she played in the brutal beating of their clinically obese older brother, who was beaten so severely that he lost several fingers on his left hand and was confined to a wheelchair.

Further investigation unearths photographic evidence of the beating of Rudy Bixton that has been posted on the Internet.  The boy in the picture turns out to be the boy detectives had words with while interviewing the victim of the originating crime, Jessica DeLay.  When Rudy Bixton picks the boy out of a lineup, Lionel Granger gets a walk for him based on the fact that 30 minutes before the lineup, the news ran video of the boy's arrest.  Tainted ID is thrown out and the boy walks...

...almost to the elevators, where Rudy Bixton, who stopped by to get an update, shoots him dead.

Casey tries Rudy Bixton for the murder of his attacker.

And during even further investigation, Olivia (who yes, was transferred to Computer Crimes but apparently that's a selective thing) discovers that the original vic that started the whole investigation, Jessica DeLay, was once clinically obese too but because of her family's wealth and connections, she was sent to a private school where she lost the weight.  Now, thin and bitter, she is repulsed by overweight people and thinks it's okay to beat them.

Rudy Bixton is found guilty but as his verdict is being read, he is on his way to the hospital with renal failure and the need to amputate his leg.

And Blaine, our own personal bookmark for Connie Neilsen's character, packs up his little brown banker's box and moseys off into the sunset.

DiNovia's Content Commentary:

First there was Saint Oliska with her uncanny powers of observation and those big, watery, brown eyes.  Now we have Father UnStabler, prodigal Catholic.  Wunderbar.

However, I love the mystery priest. 
Priest [to Elliot after he lists lame ass sins in confession]: "After two years, that's it??"

I also love that he assigned calling Kathy as Elliot's penance.  Good job, Mystery Priest!  I hope for your sake you're not one of those pedophile priests.

The first ambulance ride in weeks and it's Elliot??  Do we have to give him a green lollipop?  (E/Cers need not reply.)

Okay, I totally thought that new detective introduced himself as 'Lucius Blame', to which I replied "Why not just call him Satan Hate?"  I finally heard the name correctly but I kinda like the name Satan Hate.  So thusly he shall be named.  ;)

I thought we'd had every possible flavor of undercover operation in this season.  Obviously I was wrong.  Because I totally wasn't expecting them to blindside me with undercover Health Department workers!  Fuckers!  What's next??  Undercover Department of Agriculture operatives??  I swear...if there's a Mad Cow case before the season is over, I will hurt something.  Or someone.

So Olivia is in Computer Crimes.  Great.  That's so far away it seems.  Dozens and dozens of inches.  Whatever will we do without her?

Is anyone else tired of the Warner diagnoses major diseases via bloodstains trick yet?  I am.  It almost makes me long for the days when I just had the PDA of Deus Ex Machina to bitch about.

Oh yes.  Satan Hate.  Good job.  Because the E/Oers need even more of a reason to believe that they are anything more than brother and sister.  Now they have a canon-supposition of sexual activity!  Thanks a lot.

Yes.  Whatever will we do without her...especially when she comes back whenever she wants???  Go. Away. Olivia.

And please stop with the hang-dog look and the weepy confessions.  Or I'll give you something to cry about.

BEST LINE of the night:
Cragen [to Elliot]:  "Do you know why I put you with Blaine?"
Elliot [pissed as Hell]:  "You started drinking again?"

Another great line:
Cragen [on phone, responding to the unheard order to "Turn on your TV."]:  "Why?  Cheney shoot someone else?"

Because yes, those of us with extra weight to carry around don't have enough to deal with without being portrayed as remorseless and irresponsible slobs and/or self-loathing, vicious attackers.  Christ, I guess I just have to be happy that one of the kids wasn't gay.  You know, why didn't they make one of the siblings gay?  Come on, writers!  A fat, black, poor, gay transsexual with four documented yet questionable mental illnesses and an embarrassing body oder problem.  Just pile it all on.  Why be subtle?  Fuckers.  This episode so sucked.

Casey won.  Forgive me if I don't jump up and down with joy.  Like Casey, I also felt that the case was a bogus crapfest from the beginning.  She didn't enjoy the win and neither did I.  It wasn't a victory.  It was barely even justice.

The writer and/or director who added Elliot forlornly looking at Olivia's chair at the end of the episode should be hit in the head with a rusty shovel.  She's what?  Across the hall?  One floor up?  She's in the same building, you morons!  She didn't even DIE.  Christ!

DiNovia's Other Commentary:

10:35pm.  Casey on screen.  Okay.  Her hair still looks blonde.  Dark blonde, but still blonde.  Aggravation, thy name is Casey's frickin' hair.  ::sigh::

Is there something in Meloni's contract that specifically says that whenever he is in a physical fight, his shirt must be torn and we must be subjected to his pecs and crap?  I mean, I get it.  There are women out there who actually think the man is attractive and who enjoy seeing his pecs or his ass or whatever.  I don't happen to be one of them but I could live with the occasional glimmer of skin if it just didn't seem to be so FORCED.  If it didn't scream RIGHT HERE IS WHERE WE GET TO SEE HIS PECS, THEREBY FULFILLING CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATION 43.  THANK YOU.

However, I am willing to put up with all this Meloni-pec crap if certain parts of my favorites get some on-air play.  So I would like to see more of Oliska's and/or Casey's gluteal region, please, and less of Oliska's watery eyes and/or Casey's "I lost again, didn't I?" Gaze of Defeat.  They don't have to be bare-assed, either.  Tight jeans and skirts will do nicely.  Along with some "Oh, I dropped my pencil.  Let me get that." moments.  Deal?  Kthx.

It occurs to me that I'm not the only one hating these end-of-the-season episodes.  The entire cast looks worn out, bitchy, irritable, and just generally pissed off.  Even our radiant and glowing Mar is looking like she'd rather be counting the scads of fan-sent onsies for "Junebug" than reading these lines.  A lot of what is going on onscreen is clearly Short-Timer's Disease at its worst.  I can't wait for this season to be over with.  Holy Crap.

However, the Award for the Most Natural Acting Moment of the episode goes to our man Lionel Granger, whose look of shock, disgust, and sheer gall at being sprayed by his client's blood as he was shot and killed was simply perfection.  Way to go!

And that's it people.  That's all I can manage to write about this horrible, excremental episode.  Any more and I am going to want to claw my own eyeballs out with a garden hoe.  Thanks for your understanding.

DiNovia's Rating:

                     

Yeah, for those of you with basic math skills, that's 5 Lemons of Suckage.  I don't currently have an image for that many Lemons of Suckage.  So I am cheating and being lazy.  Sue me.



Twoodles.

DiNovia
 
 
My State of Mind: annoyedannoyed
What the Voices in My Head Hear: Mazzy Star--Into Dust
 
 
 
shayshaych_03 on May 8th, 2006 10:04 pm (UTC)
i recorded this episode. i watched it too. i don't recall much about it because it was on the day we were packing to leave for 40th anniversary Beltane for the SCA (40 years!! woo hoo :) i do remember wondering if the writers couldn't dig just a little deeper into the bottom of the barrel for this idea...

casey's hair looked rather reddish on my tv but that could be the tint on my picture tube.
eclecticfaneclecticfan on May 8th, 2006 10:49 pm (UTC)
Undercover Department of Agriculture operatives?? I swear...if there's a Mad Cow case before the season is over

HEY!! Who blabbed? Now my... I mean the whole operation is in jeopardy - damn liberal press...

Can I just tell you, Erin, that I haven't watched the show in years but these recaps make me glad the thing's still on.
Trublutrublusvufan on May 9th, 2006 01:51 am (UTC)
*Hugs*

You just made my night! I couldn't wait for this review, and of course you didn't disappoint!
Meg: libertymegandjim on May 9th, 2006 02:17 am (UTC)
Your reviews are always better than the actual show. That is both sad and awesome at the same time.
I love how the promo for this week's episode is all, "The case that brings her back!" Dude, for Olivia to come back she must first leave. Thanks for breathing life into this festering turd of an episode.
(Anonymous) on May 9th, 2006 07:54 am (UTC)
Both Elliot and Olivia have the right expression of their faces. The look that says "Oh my God, someone took a shit on the captain's desk?"


Considering how close together it looks like they're standing, their expressions look like the best vindication yet for the beliefs of the Liv/Casey and/or Liv/Alex shippers...

So I would like to see more of Oliska's and/or Casey's gluteal region, please,


Damn, but that petition would fill up fast!

I was hoping you'd review "Fault" first, because I've seen that one, and it doesn't look like I'm going to get to see this one, but this was fun to read anyhow. Kudos!

Let there be Lime.
(Anonymous) on May 9th, 2006 10:23 am (UTC)
Did I say "Fault"? I said "Fault". I meant "Venom".

Do "Venom" next, pretty please? For the love of Lime?
randomtuesday on May 9th, 2006 08:47 pm (UTC)
So the episode gets 5 lemons but your review gets 10 limes. That episode irritated the hell out of me. They couldn't have made it worse. At all.
Shut up and smile: I like Caseymorningafter2 on May 9th, 2006 11:42 pm (UTC)
You know, the only reason I even put up a fight for the TV on Tuesdays is so I understand what you're saying when you review the episodes. (Said reviews are always worth the hour of (generally) wasted consciousness.)

Really, just when we though the episodes couldn't get any worse, they go and outdo themselves once again. I wonder if there's a competition amongst the writers to see who can come up with the worst. episode. ever.
(Anonymous) on May 10th, 2006 04:06 am (UTC)
Did you catch the part where Elliot called Oliska-I mean Marivia-I mean- you know what I mean any way, when Elliot was bitching to Cragen about his new partner and Cragen says, "He's like you, now you know what Olivia had to deal with." and then Elliot says, "yeah and she's a SAINT."
Shut up and smile: Not safemorningafter2 on May 10th, 2006 04:18 am (UTC)
Yeah, I did catch that. There was definitely some remorse and/or sarcasm in Elliot's voice.