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31 January 2007 @ 05:45 am
Because I'm awake before God...  
So about 4:15am or so this morning, my uncle--who was just passing through--lumbered down the stairs to get in his car and continue traveling on to wherever it was he was headed before he stopped here for approximately 4 hours of sleep. Usually this would not be a problem for me. After all, we have the space to accommodate a weary traveler or two and this is not my house. I am not "the decider", if you will.

However, because my house is a split level house and because my room is on the bottom level, my head is literally under the short flight of stairs that connects the main level (living room, dining room, kitchen) to the upstairs (master bedroom, guest bedroom, guest bath, office). My uncle's lumbering down those stairs woke me up. I haven't been able to get back to sleep since. And, on top of that, I'm experiencing some upper right quadrant pain for the first time in almost two weeks!

So I am going to do the only rational thing and I AM GOING TO TAKE IT OUT ON MARISKA HARGITAY AND CHRIS MELONI.

Okay, people, on what fucking planet was it ever a good idea to give Mariska "My Eyes Tear Up Because My Hair Gets In Them" Hargitay and Chris "It Took Me Seventeen Years To Perfect 'Angry' So Fuck Off On The Rest Of The Range" Meloni $340,000 PER EPISODE?? Have I somehow fallen through a gash in the time/space continuum and ended up on PLANET ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Let me be perfectly clear, in the style of Monty Python: Just because some twat in a $3,000 dress hands you a golden git with wings DOES NOT MEAN YOU DESERVE TO BE THE HIGHEST PAID ACTORS IN THE COUNTRY!! And I use the word "actors" loosely with you two.

SVU has tanked and it has tanked hard. It is over. It is done. How many times are we going to have to sit through episode synopses that say something like "Elliot Stabler loses his temper during an arrest and is almost brought up on charges." or "Olivia Benson is faced with her own past while investigating the rape of a blah blah blah."

Elliot Stabler has been angry for FOUR seasons now. It has been the main crux of his existence for so long that I cannot remember a time when I might have seen the character smile. He has escaped the consequences of his unprofessional and sometimes CRIMINAL behavior too many times. This is not "great drama", this is repetitive and annoying! He utterly fails to learn from his mistakes or to suffer the consequences of them! And there are only three flavors of the character: pissed, enraged, and homicidal maniac! That is not acting, Mr. Meloni. It might be public catharsis but it is not acting. And it does not rate $340,000 per episode.

And Olivia Benson! During which investigation exactly is she NOT going to face her own past?? As they are fond of reminding us every 6 minutes or so, SHE IS THE PRODUCT OF RAPE. And she was physically and mentally abused by an alcoholic mother! If she fucking wanted a career that would not throw those two things back in her face every single day, she should have taken up flower arranging or data entry! I am so sick and fucking tired of her wild swings between angst about her own life or her need to save the world! And Mariska, you did not win that precious Emmy for an episode where you spent the entire time emoting to a telephone. No, you didn't. You won it because you lost the year before, when you were still churning out Emmy-worthy moments here and there. Two words: Pity. Emmy.

And Dick Wolf, you should be ashamed of yourself. Ashamed! You allowed an important, socially relevant television program to become a promotional clearing house for two people who have delusions of grandeur. Instead of insisting the writers focus on the cases, the REAL stars of SVU, you allowed them to write "showcase episodes" for two characters who have become caricatures of themselves. You allowed the rest of the supporting cast to languish in the tangential lands of comic relief and stinging sarcasm. But worst of all, you wasted our time and squandered our loyalty.

$340,000 per episode is a ludicrous paycheck. It would have been ludicrous for Kyra Sedgwick, who can actually act, but it is downright laughable for these two. I can only hope for one of two things, Dickie Boy. Either a) you signed those contracts knowing full well that the show is going to be canceled at the end of this season and therefore (if there is a God) they will be moot or b) I am going to wake up tomorrow on the Planet Aww, We Were Just Fuckin' With You.

Either way, I'm done with SVU. Because my time is valuable, Mr. Wolf, and--unlike you--I don't pay for mediocrity.


Tags: ,
Meg: Novak - Please Explainmegandjim on January 31st, 2007 01:20 pm (UTC)
seftiri: NovakJusticeseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:02 am (UTC)
Indeed. :D
Rebeccatheniwokesoftly on January 31st, 2007 03:11 pm (UTC)
I stopped watching a year ago. Not even Casey could keep me.
seftiri: Casey Kicks Assseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:03 am (UTC)
I know the feeling. I've seen two eps this year, but that's it so far.
Brittneyhello_clarice7 on January 31st, 2007 03:23 pm (UTC)
You won't even stay for Casey? Wow.
seftiri: Limer Goddessseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:05 am (UTC)
Not even. Though I will watch any Casey-heavy eps that I find out about. But she's hardly in it! She's getting less play than Cragen's chair lately. It's awful!
froggumz: Benson - Lap Dancefroggumz on January 31st, 2007 03:41 pm (UTC)
Amen & Amen.

I really want to get TiVo so I can watch Casey's red hair bits & get past the rest of it.

If I didn't like this damn icon so much, I'd delete it. But I just can't bring myself to do it yet... *hehe*
seftiri: Mar Joyful Heartseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:06 am (UTC)
But it's such a lovely icon! See! I still have one of just Mar. :)
Tiffany: teh casey not brokenpiekid on January 31st, 2007 06:34 pm (UTC)

SVU is a shadow of a mirror of a fond memory of its former self. The shark has been jumped. Unfortunately, it's been renewed for at least one more season, or so I hear.

I'm surprised you didn't mention the impending horror that will be the new guy's "relationship" with Casey. That is what did it for me. They cross the line when they fuck with my Casey. Her hair color was bad enough, but now THAT? NO! FAREWELL SVU, it was nice while the first 6 seasons lasted.

The hard drive that died the other night? It was the one I named "Limer" in honor of both SVU and Casey/Diane. And although my love for Casey & Diane has not gone away, it almost seems like a sign that that exact hard drive (which was the newer and less used of the two internal hard drives) would die now that I've FINALLY let go of SVU.

So what on earth should I name my new hard drive(s)? LOL
(Deleted comment)
Tiffany: teh casey fandompiekid on February 2nd, 2007 01:10 am (UTC)

::clears throat:: Sorry 'bout that. I'm just liking that icon.

I do so hope Casey's attitude stays that way, but I'm not betting on it. This makes me worry.
seftiri: Casey Softballseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:10 am (UTC)
Ah yes, but the rumor is that particular guy is going to join the cast, if perhaps temporarily, and while he's there, he and Casey get together.

That's what piekid was referring to, I think.
seftiri: Kataraseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:09 am (UTC)
Perhaps you should name the new hard drive something Avatar related?

I know how you feel about SVU. I guess no more watching it together when I come to visit. Thank god we still have VM and Avatar and Shark and stuff to watch. :D

Shut up and smile: Comics ll Runaways ll valuablesmorningafter2 on January 31st, 2007 09:13 pm (UTC)
Once again, I feel validated in my decision to stop watching SVU.

God, 340 grand per episode? That's insane. I wonder what the actors on CSI and Grey's Anatomy make.
seftiri: quacklivseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:12 am (UTC)
Not as much, apparently. At $340,000 per episode, Mariska becomes the highest paid female lead on TV. They didn't mention where in the top 5 Chris ended up but he is in the top 5 if he isn't now also the top paid male lead on TV.
eclecticfan: alex olivia waveeclecticfan on February 1st, 2007 12:54 am (UTC)

Thank you - loved the line about the Pity!Emmy what a hoot!

but notice the icon - the show ended at the latest, when Alex was shot - probably a bit before, like before she decided on those awful bangs...

remember the heyday - it's the only way not to gag
seftiri: DN Starpowerseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:16 am (UTC)
Sorry. I think seasons 5 and parts of 6 were the heyday for me. I like Casey but not Alex.

But I do get where you're coming from. :)

Glad you liked the line about the pity Emmy. :)
Mystic Amethyst: caseymysticamethyst on February 1st, 2007 02:59 am (UTC)
So very, very true. I especially liked this

If she fucking wanted a career that would not throw those two things back in her face every single day, she should have taken up flower arranging or data entry

Couldn't have put it better. As for UnStabler...>:(
seftiri: AJ Cuteseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:21 am (UTC)
Unstabler Emoticons are lurve! LOL
Trublu: Dianetrublusvufan on February 1st, 2007 03:48 am (UTC)
Halelujia, the truth has been spoken! If it weren't for Diane, I would be swimming with that shark right about now...
seftiri: DN2seftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:23 am (UTC)
I am swimming with that Shark...on Thursday nights? You know, cuz of Jeri? ;)
Angelina Ballerina: A/O - *kiss*/Loveygreenovalfruit on February 1st, 2007 09:35 am (UTC)

worship you.

That is everything there is to say on the matter and eloquent snark is MAJOR LOVE!

Please send this to NBC or whoeverthefuck airs new SVU.

And I totally didn't know about their raises. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

I cannot begin to comprehend that. It's just too... I'm going to stick my fingers in my eaars, scrunch up my eyes, LA LA LA very loudly and pretend Alex is still with SVU (not screwing Anson Mount, or not-not screwing Anson Mount) and Elliot is more stable and Olivia has short hair. I WILL DO THIS!

...Except that doesn't leave much room for Casey. Which leads me to conclude that she was the LAST good thing in the show.
seftiri: Limer Green and Goliath Purpleseftiri on February 2nd, 2007 01:25 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it, dearheart.

And yes, Diane/Casey was the last good thing about the show. I agree.

tulliolustulliolus on February 5th, 2007 12:03 am (UTC)
Woo! Eloquent rant!
Well, the subject line pretty much says it all. An eloquent and entertaining rant, making me glad I have the Atlantic Ocean to shield me from the latest in SVU dreck! I'm off to watch some old eps from my collection in blissful ignorance.
seftiri: Miranda Otto Wishseftiri on February 5th, 2007 01:38 am (UTC)
Re: Woo! Eloquent rant!
Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it.

Have fun with the collection! All the good stuff is in the past now.
Nikki: golly!nikki_vaz on February 9th, 2007 02:57 am (UTC)
While I'm not quite there with you in my disgust with SVU's current state of affairs, I do agree it's astonishing, not to mention idiotic, how much people get paid for crappy work. My mom was totally baffled when I told her how much they're being paid per freakin' episode. If they have that much money to throw around, why is the show going to hell?

I mean, lately all I've been seeing on SVU is Elliot flexing his oh-so-big muscles and bashing heads and/or Olivia getting teary eyed about some pitifully predictable tragedy that brings back the "ghosts of her past". It's awful! And to think I once actually liked these characters. Elliot not so much, but I really enjoyed watching Olivia doing her thing in all her dykey glory. Then they started with the whole St. Oliska crap and it all went downhill from there.

I have this friend who watched Oz and simply loved Chris Meloni's character. She's very picky, so I actually believe it was a good character, which means Meloni CAN act. So why aren't we seein' it?

I think the show got too character-oriented and they forgot to actually write SVU cases. Not that I'm against character development, but if they would give us a break from Oliska and UnStabler and focus on the more interesting characters, things would be very different. I certainly wouldn't mind seeing more of Casey or even Munch.

I don't think I'll stop watching SVU for now, even if it's just to see Casey's sparse but always stunning appearances. I don't have much hope for it anymore. Oh well, at least I still have my Casey-friendly episodes on CD - I downloaded her best
seftiri: NovakJusticeseftiri on February 26th, 2007 02:36 pm (UTC)
Oh! I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier! Somehow I missed this comment.

I'm glad you enjoyed my little rant. :) I'm glad someone still wants to watch the show, honestly. Maybe they can turn it around but I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.

Thanks for commenting! Sorry I am so late in responding.
graeleigh: novakbluegraeleigh on July 26th, 2007 08:52 am (UTC)
Well I agree with you in thinking that it’s an awful high amount of money for an episode.
But well I’d like to say that for me it’s natural that they get a part of the big cake.

But my god how can the cake be that big with the quality of the show lately???
That’s what really annoys the hell out of me.

Good thing is that here in France we are a year behind, thus season 8 will start airing in September but I won’t watch it. Ok mainly because I already have all episodes since they are on my Diane Neal fansite. But although because really, it would be only fast-forwarding to Casey’s appearances (which aren’t a lot) because she’s the only reason why I watch this damn show!!
And I like you say I've better things to do with my time :p

I soooo agree with you, we have Stabler being angry all the time (which annoys me since day 1) and Benson sooo out of character.
Where is the strong character we had in the first seasons, the one that could handle her job without beating up a perp in interrogation room!? What came to Dickie Boy ?? (sorry I had to borrow you that line which I found totally hilarious!).

So we know that Casey will have a relationship with that Detective, who looks like he’s just out of the academy, I growl at the mere thought of it.
Well, for many reasons:

1/ I’m a die-hard Casey fan and we barely see her in the show. A love interest now? Let’s see, her average screen time in season 8 is 2 minutes, now if we see her with her bf (*spit* *rinse mouth*), what time will she spend in court? 30 seconds? *sulks*
If you want proof, visit the multimedia page on my Diane Neal site, the infos pages list every screen time per episode : Philadelphia (2 minutes 20 seconds), Annhilated (2 minutes 23 seconds), Underbelly (1 minute 25 seconds) …. Not to mention 00000 in Florida!

2/ I’m a bit afraid of what they would make of that story line. If they turn her into some honeyish lover, just shoot me!

3/ What about getting the show back in its tracks before?

4/ And Casey belongs to Liv, that would be great, courageous, but TPTB being what they are, it’s not going to happen :((

So thanks for the rant, you’d consider sending it to Dickie Boy (sorry, couldn’t resist).
seftiri: Limerseftiri on August 6th, 2007 10:59 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed the rant. I haven't been able to watch a single episode for a while. I wonder if I ever will be able to again. LOL

I will always love Diane, though. :D