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seftiri
10 March 2011 @ 06:04 pm

Ooops!

Was incapacitated and forgot to do this.  So you get two for one!

So, each day, you are supposed to answer one of these:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Feel free to do your own!

----------------------------------

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

(I sort of wish I could do this in pie chart form.....)

See?  I knew I could do it...




















Okay, yeah.  That's not seven.  You're right.  ::sigh::

1.  My love....
2.  The urgent world-wide need for transporter technology.
3.  The plight of the honeybee.  Where are they all going?  Is it nice on their home planet?  Will they come back?  What do they know that we don't?
4.  The shape, color, and clarity of my personal theology.
5.  "What am I going to have for....  (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack)?"
6.  The ways that I plan to spoil my love the next time that I see her.
7.  "Is there chocolate nearby and can I have some?"

---------------------------------------------------

Day Five: Six things you wish you had never done.

1.  I wish I hadn't ruined my brother's belief in Santa Claus when he was only three.  Ruining a kid's magic is a terrible thing to do.
2.  I wish I hadn't beaten up that kid when I was twelve.  He was a bully, yes, but there were really good reasons why and I didn't know them until much later. 
3.  Boston.  Nearly in its entirety.  Although it is a lovely place.
4.  Wingate College.  We were SO not a good match.
5.  I wish I hadn't failed to comply with my medical regimen when I was in my 20s.  If I'd only understood what the stakes were, I might have been able to save myself some significant health issues.
6.  I wish I hadn't let fear keep me from trying again with Lisa for so long.  And yet I wouldn't trade a single minute of what we've built together now.  A definite conundrum.

----------------------------------------------------

More later!

Erin


Tags:
 
 
My State of Mind: nerdynerdy
 
 
seftiri
07 March 2011 @ 10:59 pm
So, each day, you are supposed to answer one of these:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Feel free to do your own!

-------------------------------------------------------

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.  (These are written to the one who won my heart.)

1.  You wrote to me, about me, for me, and with me.  Writing is such an intrinsic part of my nature and sharing that passion with me is a sure way to tug at my heart.  It helps that you do it so very well, my darling.

2.  Your gorgeous laugh.  The capacity to feel and express joy is essential to me and the workings of my heart.  Your laugh never fails to inspire joy in me and is one of the best and most beautiful indications of your joy.

3.  You hold my hand or put your hand on my back or arm when we're in public.  It may be anti-feminist of me, but I love the way it makes me feel: connected to you, chosen by you, regarded, special, and protected.

4.  You tell me that you need me.  You ask for my help and for my opinions.  My deepest sense of personal accomplishment comes from being useful to others, from helping to make others' lives easier.  Making your life easier makes my life wonderful.

5.  You cook for me.  Not only are you a fabulous cook, but when I had special dietary restrictions, you adapted favorite recipes to those restrictions and pre-tested them to make certain they were acceptable for me to eat.  Again, this may be anti-feminist of me, but you are so beautiful when you are cooking.  It totally has nothing to do with the cooking but rather with your complete focus on your task and your confidence and the way you move when you are so focused.

6.  You support me spiritually.  You embraced my conversion to Judaism wholeheartedly, even accompanying me to services, researching linguistic rules, synagogues near you, and customs and songs for the various holidays.  You cooked me my first Shabbat dinner and you ask questions when something is confusing, which helps me to think more about my faith and makes me a better Jew. 

7.  You worry about me and take care of me when I'm sick.  I know that may seem like it's all the time sometimes, but you are so good at taking care of me when I'm not feeling well.  I never feel judged or as if I'm a burden to you.  Never.  Just those two things alone help me to feel better much faster, I think.

8.  You believe in me.  You believe in my dreams and in my abilities and you encourage me to pursue them.  You are my biggest cheerleader and my biggest defender.  You don't let me sell myself short and you never give up on me when I do fall short.  You help me to be a better person by focusing on the positive and encouraging it.
Tags:
 
 
My State of Mind: lovedloved
 
 
 
seftiri
07 March 2011 @ 12:49 am
So, each day, you are supposed to answer one of these:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Feel free to do your own!

--------------------------------------------------

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

1.  My middle name is Michele, but it was misspelled on my birth certificate as Michelle.  I have only this year started spelling it Michelle when I write it on forms. 

2.  I am completely unable to write when I am happy and guess what?  I am deliriously happy.  I am afraid that this lends credence to the stereotype that all great writers are bitter, unhappy, and/or depressed.  I hope that's not true.

3.  I used to read the dictionary at lunch during the 5th grade.  Yes, I was that geek.  Even the teachers agree with you.

4.  I am not where I most want to be right now.

5.  I wear a beautiful watch that I keep set to Pacific Time.  It was a Valentine's Day gift from my love. 

6.  I am currently experiencing a slight addiction to egg-based entrees.  I haven't had eggs since I was 8 years old because I was allergic.  Apparently I outgrew the allergy.  Now, I just want to eat eggs at every meal.  In almost every form.

7.  I am a very staunch cat person.

8.  I have a facility with learning languages.  Currently, I am turning the talent to Hebrew, which I adore.

9.  As of April 13th of this year, I will be Jewish.  I am awed.
Tags:
 
 
My State of Mind: sleepysleepy
 
 
seftiri
06 March 2011 @ 02:07 am
Stolen from ariestess .


So, each day, you are supposed to answer one of these:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Feel free to do your own!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1.  I have never loved anyone nor felt as truly loved by anyone as I love and feel loved by you.  I'm so deeply happy we found each other again and so incredibly amazed by the fact that you chose me, are choosing me.  Every day with you is a beautiful day.  My heart aches from missing you, my darling.  Soon, I will be home in your arms again.

2.  You are the best friend I've ever had and the most lost.  I look forward to watching you really come into your own.  You're already so special, so amazing.  Once those walls come down and you believe that about yourself, you'll be unstoppable.

3.  It's taken me a long time to understand that I never lost your love.  Sometimes, I grieve for the child I was who spent so much time searching for ways to please you, to win you back.  It never worked, but for entirely different reasons than I thought.  I am so glad that I made it to this age and figured it out so that we can have the relationship we have now.  Your presence in my life now and your support are gifts I never expected.

4.  Sometimes I wonder what happened between us to drive us so far apart.  I don't feel like I know you very much these days and that saddens me.  However, you are raising stellar, intelligent, beautiful, and thoughtful children and it is my privilege to know them.  Thank you for that.

5.  The fact that we get along so amazingly well and that you approve of me makes me happier than I feel comfortable telling you right now.  I think you are an amazing human being and I love being around you and your family.  I promise you will never have occasion to hate me or my actions.  I will never, ever risk disappointing you or hurting her.  Never.

6.  I miss working with you, but more than that, I miss your daily presence in my life.  Your calm and open nature has always been an inspiration to me and something that I aspire to emulate.  I loved being your assistant and now I adore being your friend.  I just miss you a lot.

7.  Our friendship had a serious power differential problem for which we were both equally responsible.  When I ended it, it was because I needed to do so in order to rediscover my own power.  I dreamed about you today and I have a sense that what we had is unfinished.  The dream made me think I should contact you but my ego is afraid of looking weak to you.  I'm working on it, though, and you may be hearing from me soon.

8.  I wish I could have known you at all, but especially in the way she knew you.  By honoring you, I am able to honor her place in this spiritual journey of mine, of which she's been such an important part.  Thank you for the gift of her.  I don't think she has any idea how wonderful she truly is, but I know you knew.  I know much of you shines through her.  So maybe, in a way, I do know you a little.

9.  None of you three know me, but I know you.  I know you by your deeds and they and you are evil in my eyes.  It is hard for me to say this, but you cannot be redeemed.  You have caused too much pain and taken too much cruel pleasure in the causing of it.  I cannot decide which of the three of you I loathe more than the others.  It may be good that you don't know me.  My hatred for you is cold, searing, and unquenchable.  May you find your way back to whatever god you think claims you.  Do not cross my path, though.  Trust me on this.

10.  It has taken me so long to get to this point and it is only the beginning, not a destination.  This inspires awe in me--the awe of the ages.  You have given me so many gifts that I am undeserving of, You have lifted me when I could no longer stand on my own, You have shown me the way to return to you when I was lost.  I promise to keep studying and learning even after April 13th and to make this life you've given me count for something in Your eyes.  Todah rabah, for everything.
Tags:
 
 
My State of Mind: tiredtired
 
 
 
seftiri
06 January 2011 @ 10:16 pm
I have a little bit of time tonight between work and Skyping with my gorgeous girlfriend and I couldn't decide what to do with it.  I have so many projects, so many things that need to get done, but I found myself really wanting to do one of these again.  Although I don't think I could possibly find words to do justice to what an amazing year this has been for me.

January 2010

I contract H1N1 and pneumonia; they completely knock me on my ass for more days than I care to remember.

February 2010

I have a major self-esteem breakthrough that gives me three months of sunshine bliss.

My nephew, Nash Thomas (don't ask), is born 9 weeks early on February 28th and spends weeks in Duke's NICU.  He is so small that when I hold him for the first time, he weighs less than a bag of rice.  I sing Or Zaruah to him over and over. 

March 2010

A woman I've met on one of those dating sites wants to go out.  This presents a huge problem for me because there is someone else that I would rather be dating--someone who I've wanted to date for over a decade.  With much trepidation, I tell Lisa how I feel and she tells me she feels the same.  We start planning a trip to make it a reality.

My job finally comes through with the first part of my salary adjustment and overnight I double my take home pay.  I'm thrilled.

April 2010

Lisa comes to NC for five days.  We have Shabbat dinner in my home (my first ever), she accompanies me to synagogue, she wows all my friends with her brilliance and her sense of humor.  She is so beautiful, so amazing, I have a hard time believing I'm good enough for her.  She takes my breath away.

Our first kiss happens on the same day that the BP oil spill happens.  I draw no connection between the two events.

May 2010

Gina, who has become my best friend over the past six months, gets ready to graduate from residency.  She decides to take a job here in NC rather than return to PA at the moment and I am thrilled.

June 2010

We hit some service milestone(s) at my clinic and every employee gets a $300 Visa Gift card.  The award allows me to purchase a plane ticket to surprise my girlfriend on her birthday.  It is the first time I've ever seen Northern California and I fall in love with the area.  The only thing more beautiful than where she lives is my girlfriend herself.

Gina graduates and I attend the ceremony as her guest, along with her mother, her sister, her aunt, and her grandmother.  We take a picture together that is one of the best pictures ever taken of me.  It hangs in my parents' house.

July 2010

After being sick for weeks, I finally break down and see my GI doc, who orders a scope done of my pouch and small intestines.  He diagnoses me with Crohn's Disease.

In a stunning turn of events, my therapist of two years goes absolutely batshit crazy when I cancel an appointment with her in anticipation of having to see my GI doctor emergently.  In a heated email, she tells me that my illnesses are illusions and that I am only sick because it is a way for me to get validation and comfort from my environment/peers.  When I discontinue our therapeutic relationship, she tells me that I'll be back because she loves me and I love her and some really long, rambling story about each of us carrying the other around in the backpacks of our hearts.  A significant portion of her work with me is suddenly called into question and I realize I almost estranged myself from my parents for no good reason at all.  I head into a spiral of depression that it takes me weeks to pull out of, with much assistance from Lisa, Gina, and my parents.

I catsit for Kiki, Gina's cat, for six weeks while she visits Croatia.  I love having a cat again.

I get sicker.

August 2010

I spend a week in CA with my gorgeous girlfriend before she begins nursing school.  I visit Berkeley's Graduate Theological Union in anticipation of getting a Master's there.  We visit San Francisco, spend a lot of time swimming and exploring the area, and I discover hot tubs, which I had never experienced before.  We attend synagogue in Roseville together and are made to feel quite welcome.

I begin to take Humira and azathioprine.  The former seems to do me some good, while the latter poisons my liver and puts me in the ER for 10 hours.  Gina comes to sit with me and laughs when I get morphine.  I heart morphine.  I'm taken off the azathioprine.

I levy a formal complaint against my therapist with her oversight board.

My niece, Zoe, turns seven.  SEVEN. 

I get sicker.

September 2010

Lisa studies and studies and studies, which shows because she makes consistent As on her exams in nursing school.  I discover ways to help her study from 2800 miles away, which makes me very happy.  One of her professors, however, takes to singling her out in a negative way and this makes me very UNhappy.  Grr.

I get sicker.  So sick, in fact, that I go into the hospital for 8 days while they try to stabilize my symptoms.  While there, one of the meds they've put me on drops my heart rate into the upper 40s, low 50s and I can no longer stand or speak very well.  Lisa figures out what it is three days before my doctors do.  I rediscover why I hate hospitals so much.  On Yom Kippur, the hospital sends me a plate of food with bacon on it even though they know I am Kosher.  My rabbi visits me in the hospital on the night of Kol Nidre and prays with me.

I discover that I'm intolerant of treenuts and remove them from my diet.

October 2010

Gina starts her new job in Durham on her birthday. 

My nephew, Gabe, turns five.  FIVE. 

November 2010

I host the oneg at my synagogue the weekend after Thanksgiving.  Everything on the table is gluten and treenut free.

My birthday is one of the best yet, a total turnaround from last year, due mainly to my wonderful and amazing girlfriend who kept me on Skype until midnight on the 28th just so she could be the first to wish me a happy birthday.  My parents get me a chanukiah and candles for my birthday so I can celebrate Chanukah, which starts the next week.

December 2010

I reach the 200lb mark and am officially a size 16 for the first time since high school.

I celebrate Chanukah every night by lighting candles, saying prayers, and talking to my girlfriend on Skype.  She finds me Chanukah songs and articles and recipes to help me celebrate.

Lisa rocks her final exam and makes an A for the whole semester, making her one of two students to do so from her class.  The other A is her study partner. 

My mother retires from nursing after 20 years.

I spend Christmas and New Years in CA with Lisa and her family and fall in love with all of them all over again.  Her family is an amazing group of people and I spend hours talking to them, answering their questions and learning more about Lisa from those who love her best.  She and I go to the North Coast for a romantic getaway that includes an ocean view room with a private hot tub, we explore tide pools and redwood forests, we see and photograph a bobcat out for a stroll, we exchange presents and attend parties and grocery shop and she makes me gluten-free brownies for my birthday that are to die for.  Every moment of our time together is beautiful and passes too quickly and when it's time for me to go home, I don't know who dreads it more--me, Lisa, the kitties, or Lisa's family.  On my first flight as I leave, I sit next to two young military men who couldn't have been more than 19 years old.  On my second flight, I sit next to a very, VERY lovey dovey gay male couple and cry like a girl because I miss my girlfriend so much.  When I get off the plane and meet my parents at the end of the walkway, I sob, "I want to go home!"

12:13am Christmas morning becomes etched into my heart.  The memory of that moment still takes my breath away.

-----

All in all, 2010 has been a fabulous year for me.  There have been challenges, to be certain.  Some of them I manifested for myself, some of them came from outside sources, but all of them helped me to grow and to change. 

I have found love and joy and friendship and family.  I have rediscovered so much.  An old friendship and lost love returned to me, brighter, more amazing, and more wonderful than I ever imagined possible.  She makes me want to be the best person I can be, not only for her, but for everyone.  She inspires and supports me in ways I cannot hope to explain fully.  She is always the most beautiful and most brilliant woman in any room she inhabits and I am so lucky to have this second chance with her.

I rediscovered my parents after estranging myself from them at the behest of my therapist (who had never met them, by the way).  I found them adult-to-adult finally, scraping away those illusions we--as children--grow up believing.  Our relationship is so much richer and more equal than it ever had been before.

I have discovered a friendship--a kind of sisterhood of the soul--with someone so unexpected that I still sometimes question it.  Gina was the first person that I actually believed accepted me exactly as I am (even though now I recognize there were others who did so, too) and she has taught me so much about life and relationships and about trusting myself.

I have found more members of my family that I never new about before and I love them all.  I can't wait to see them again.

Hopefully, as 2011 goes forward, I will achieve all the goals that I wish to achieve, including becoming as healthy as I can.

In the meantime, I am incredibly grateful for what I have. 

Todah rabah, Adonai, for all the gifts you have bestowed upon me.

Erin
 
 
My State of Mind: happyhappy
 
 
 
seftiri
16 December 2010 @ 01:04 am

Title:  Wake Up Call (part 3)
Author:  DiNovia
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing:  Ziva/Abby
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer:  Written for entertainment purposes only.  No copyright infringement intended.
Content Disclaimer:  Violence, scenes of lovemaking between consenting adult women, poetic prose.
Author's Note:  I claim insanity for attempting an NCIS story when there is someone infinitely more brilliant than I already writing wildly popular stories in this fandom, however, this story pleased her...so I also claim success.  ;)
Thank You:  To my darling, who inspires me every single day and whose smile lights every darkness.  In one week, I'll be in your arms again, love.  Not a moment too soon.

Insert B&W photo still of Gibbs raising a coffee cup in salute...Collapse )

I hope you enjoyed it!

Twoodles!

DiNovia

 
 
My State of Mind: excitedexcited
 
 
 
seftiri
16 December 2010 @ 01:03 am

Title:  Wake Up Call (part 2)
Author:  DiNovia
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing:  Ziva/Abby
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer:  Written for entertainment purposes only.  No copyright infringement intended.
Content Disclaimer:  Violence, scenes of lovemaking between consenting adult women, poetic prose.
Author's Note:  I claim insanity for attempting an NCIS story when there is someone infinitely more brilliant than I already writing wildly popular stories in this fandom, however, this story pleased her...so I also claim success.  ;)
Thank You:  To my darling, who inspires me every single day and whose smile lights every darkness.  In one week, I'll be in your arms again, love.  Not a moment too soon.

Insert B&W Photo still of Abby Sciuto at Ziva David's front door....Collapse )

I hope you enjoyed it!

Twoodles!

DiNovia

 
 
My State of Mind: excitedexcited
 
 
seftiri
16 December 2010 @ 12:54 am

Title:  Wake Up Call (part 1)
Author:  DiNovia
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing:  Ziva/Abby
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer:  Written for entertainment purposes only.  No copyright infringement intended.
Content Disclaimer:  Violence, scenes of lovemaking between consenting adult women, poetic prose.
Author's Note:  I claim insanity for attempting an NCIS story when there is someone infinitely more brilliant than I already writing wildly popular stories in this fandom, however, this story pleased her...so I also claim success.  ;)
Thank You:  To my darling, who inspires me every single day and whose smile lights every darkness.  In one week, I'll be in your arms again, love.  Not a moment too soon.

Insert B&W photo still of Ziva David with her Sig Sauer raised in a defensive posture...Collapse )

I hope you enjoyed it!

Twoodles!

DiNovia

 
 
My State of Mind: excitedexcited
 
 
 
seftiri
13 December 2010 @ 01:49 pm
So I have my Gmail set to send me daily, as-they-happen updates on a few things.  The happenings of Diane Neal are one of them.  Sue me. 

Lately, I haven't been following Diane so closely...so just now, when I got an update, I opened it to see what it was.  It was not so helpful, actually, but Gmail, in its creepy Big Brother way, also posted above the email a webclip ad.  For a company by the name of Lime Crime Makeup.  (limecrimemakeup.com)

No.  Seriously. 

All you Limers out there will, of course, recognize our early battle cry when we were yet a small but earnest rag-tag group of fans of one Diane Neal. 

Lime is not a Crime! made its way onto several avis, icons, signature templates, gifs, etc.  See my own above.

Which is why it was so very STRANGE to have that particular web clip ad appear over an email about Diane Neal.  Did I mention that the email did not reference the word "lime" at all--not even once?

Maybe I shouldn't be as creeped out by this as I am, but something like this happened to me once before.  I had sent an email to a friend where I referenced my brother by his first name only.  The web clip ad that appeared over my friend's reply was for my brother's software design company.  My brother doesn't even have the same last name as me (long story short: neither was happy with their last name, no hyphenation was wanted, so he and his wife created a new last name), so somehow Google's relevance software picked up my name, my brother's first name, and what?  Made an assumption? 

The email where I referenced my brother, by the way, did not reference his company or his job or anything.  I'm almost certain I was talking about one of his kids.  But somehow Google pulled a webclip ad for his company out of its virtual ass and put it over the email.  And that's the only time I've ever seen an ad for my brother's company anywhere.   

Seriously, people.  What kind of relevance software are they using over there in Googleland?  O_o

Twoodles!

Erin

PS....I'm thinking about writing again.  A lot, actually.  Original works this time, though.  I have too many good ideas that I need to get down on "paper."

This might mean that I'll be resurrecting my original works LJ community sugaredlimes.  Be on the look out for new posts there next year after I get back from seeing and spoiling my brilliant girlfriend in CA.  ;) 

For those of you who will no doubt respond with well-crafted pleas for me to finish Hide Beside Me, I'm not saying I will never finish it.  But I haven't been able to get back into it since the fandom crashed and burned over the release of Venice and the tweeting foibles of CC.  I just cannot reconcile the character of Olivia in my head with what happened in real life.  I apologize.  Hope is not fully dead, though.  Just remember that.

I have one NCIS piece that I have promised to post before the 23rd and I will do so.  After that, I am going to focus on publishable material.

Grazie!
 
 
My State of Mind: shockedshocked
 
 
seftiri
24 November 2010 @ 08:48 pm

 
This is Leonard.
Lenny, for short.
He joined me on my easy chair about an hour ago,
as I was answering email.
He is either a Thanksgiving visitation akin to Scrooge's Christmas visitations
or he is my Geico rep here to sell me renter's insurance.
All I know is that he matches my shirt almost perfectly
and he is amazingly content to wander
the alien landscape of me, reclining with laptop,
and to be photographed.
He is not skittish of the paparazzi, apparently.
I have discovered other things about Lenny.
1) He's an excellent jumper.  No, really.  Olympic caliber.
2) He's exhausted!  Poor thing took a nap on my knee.
3) He's a good listener.  Only yawned during my interrogation of him once!
and
4) He was originally attracted to the heat cast-off from my laptop vent and would still be basking there happily
if I didn't insist upon moving around, like a human being, rather than laying perfectly still, like a friendly rock.

I propose a toast!
To Lenny!
Long may he roam!
 
 
My State of Mind: amusedamused